Match
by Nette
Summary: Last chapter is up! :)
1. Between Fear And Hope

Title: "Match" 

**Feedback**: Sure, I'd love to know what you think! : ) You can use the review button or email me: nette_mails@yahoo.de

**Category**: Carby

**Spoilers**: None I think. Though I might mention things that happened in S9.

**Summary**: Hard to describe without giving anything away. ; ) It's not about what it seems to be, at least not in the beginning. Please just read. : ) It's totally Carby, but also contains a bit of Lusan. : )

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything … ; )

**Author's Notes**: I wanted to write this for quite some time already, and now I did. ; ) I hope you'll like it a bit. It would make me happy if you had a second to let me know what you think about it. : ) Thanks.

Oh, and maybe you should know that English is not my first language, so be gentle, but I tried my best as usual. ; )

Chapter 1: "Between Fear And Hope" 

She tossed and turned the whole night, not being able to find some much needed sleep. 

She glanced at the red shining numbers of the alarm clock and sighed deeply when she saw that it was already 5 am. And her shift started at 8 am.

Actually, she was used to it already, because it had been the same the night before and the night before that.

She didn't really know what was wrong. She just did not feel well in general. That she felt nauseous was the main reason why she couldn't sleep.

She decided that it was the best if she just lay on her back and stared at the ceiling, like she did the nights before. 

She did it carefully, to not wake the sleeping figure next to her.

Of course it was John, the most important man in her life.

He lay next to her, sound asleep, snoring slightly. 

It was not an annoying noise. No, she loved to listen to him when he was sleeping. To listen to him inhaling and exhaling and his snoring usually calmed her down and let her fall asleep, too. And when she had her head on his chest, she could even hear the rhythm of his strong heartbeat and feel his soft skin on her own.

There was no place where she'd rather be in moments like that with him. She couldn't get enough of just feeling his presence.

But this night was different. She tried to be as far away from him as possible. 

She didn't want him to know that she was not feeling well. Especially since it was the third night in a row. She didn't want him to worry about her. And she knew he would, since he loved her and cared about her like she loved him and cared about him. She would feel the same way if it was him.

And there was another reason why she couldn't blame him if he was worried about her. It was because she started to be worried herself.

A certain thought was on her mind and didn't want to go away. 

It was the fear of being pregnant.

Most women would be happy, not scared about it. But it was different in her life. Like a lot of things were.

Of course they used protection, but everything was like it was a few years ago, when she was pregnant and decided not to have her child. Their child, Richard's and Abby's.

She felt restless and couldn't sleep at nights, felt nauseous. So it was possible that she was pregnant again.

She couldn't have her first child. Her marriage with Richard was not going well. She didn't really love him. At least not enough to overcome the fear of having a bipolar child.

She couldn't even tell him that she was pregnant, that she was thinking about having an abortion. She was desperate and just did it. It was the hardest decision in her life. And the one she regretted the most. 

She was pretty good at ignoring her feelings for that baby. But sometimes she couldn't help but think about it. She knew exactly how old it would be by now, wondered whether it was a boy or a girl. And it hurt her more than anything else not to be able to hold that child in her arms now.

But it seemed right back then and the only way.

Now it was different.

There was still her fear of having a child that was bipolar, but this time she was with a man she loved deeply and truly and he loved her as much as she did. And it would be his child, too. She couldn't just do it like she did it before. She owed him to tell him the truth. 

And she was sure that she could never pretend that everything was alright in front of him. That would never work. He knew her too well, he would know immediately. It was hard enough already to hide from him that she was feeling sick. He already asked, but she told him that she was okay. She wasn't sure if she convinced him, but he didn't ask further questions.

And she couldn't handle a loss like that again, especially not with John as the father.

So if she was really pregnant, it would be a hard time for both of them.

But, even if she decided for a child, she didn't know how Carter would react. 

Well, she knew actually, even though they never talked about having children yet, because she successfully avoided that topic. They knew each other for more than 4 years, were together for more than 2 years and married for a little more than 1 year, but she was still successful in avoiding it.

Of course he'd tell her that they'd be okay and that the child won't be bipolar. And that he'd love it no matter what, even if it was, that they'd make it together, he'd never leave her.

And she knew he'd truly mean it, but she wasn't sure if he really knew what it's like to live with a bipolar person you love. Abby had to go through it all her life, she knew.

But Carter only got a hint of what it's like when he met Maggie or Eric.

The more she thought about it, the more she knew that she could not do that to him. She could not bring that trouble in his life, she loved him too much.

Though she had to admit that the thought of having a child with him was wonderful. He would be a great father, she was sure about that.

Tears were forming in her eyes when she thought about them having children, when she pictured herself with John and their child. Sometimes in her dreams they even had several children, all healthy and beautiful. Just perfect.

He'd play soccer with their son while she'd watch them with their daughter. Or he'd show their children how to ride a bike. There were so many beautiful images in her head.

But she was sure that she would never have that in her life because of the disease that was running in her family.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she suddenly felt that she actually had to throw up.

She tried to get out of the bed as careful as possible.

When she reached the bathroom she switched on the light and kneeled down in front of the toilet.

The nights before she just didn't feel well, but this time she did not know how to avoid the noise she'd eventually make.

***

Carter awoke from a noise.

His eyelids opened slowly. With tired eyes he read on the alarm clock that it was only 5.20 am. It was not even 3 hours before his shift started.

He leaned over to Abby's side of the bed, but she was not there.

He turned over, when he heard the toilet flushing, to be able to see the bathroom door.

He saw that light was coming from underneath it.

When she did not come out after several minutes and he didn't hear anything, he started to worry and decided to get up and check on her, since she did seem different during the last couple of days. 

Yesterday he asked her if she was okay and she answered that she was. 

Though he was not convinced by her answer, he decided not to push her and let her come and tell him when she was ready.

He rolled over, got out of the bed and walked over to the bathroom.

He knocked at the door carefully before he opened it.

He found her sitting crawled up in front of the toilet, staring at the bathroom floor. Her legs were pulled up to her chest, she was hugging them. She looked so vulnerable, sad and hurt, it broke his heart to see her like that.

She was wearing one of his T-shirts. They were much too large for her, but she liked to wear them at nights. She always said she felt secure and protected in his clothes. And he didn't mind, he thought she looked cute in them.

It seemed like she didn't even notice him when he closed the door behind himself.

"Hey.", he said, walking towards her. 

He could see the sad expression on her face when she looked up at him. But her face lit up a little when she saw him.

When he reached her he sat down next to her. He kissed her forehead gently, put his hand on her back and started to move it up and down slowly to comfort her.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you up?"

"No, it's okay. What's wrong with you?

"Nothing, really. I just wasn't feeling well. I don't know why."

"Are you sick? You didn't seem well during the last couple of days."

She was staring at the floor again. She just couldn't lie and look him into the eyes.

"Yeah, probably. It's nothing serious, though. You don't have to worry."

He knew she was not telling him the truth, he could see it in her eyes. He could see right through them, the windows to her soul. 

He was not blaming her for that, though. He knew that she loved him and trusted him, that she needed him. But she still didn't want other people to worry about her. He knew she thought she wasn't worth it and that hurt him. She'd rather suffer alone silently before she let other people worry about her. But he could always convince her to talk to him in the end. He was the only person who could do that. But he was also the only person who could help her, who understood her completely.

"Come on, it's more than that."

She sighed deeply. He got up and held out both hands for her.

"Let's talk about it, okay? But not here on the cold bathroom floor."

He wanted her to talk about it, get it off her chest, so that she'd feel better. He wished he could take away all her worries, but he knew that was not possible. So he wanted at least talk about them. He knew that helped, too.

She took his hands and he helped her up.

He put his right arm around her and took her left hand in his to lead her over to the bedroom again.

He sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her down to make her sit on his lap.

She put her left arm around him while he put his right arm around her and took her other hand in his.

She looked at him helplessly, not sure if she should tell him that she thought she was pregnant or not. She wasn't even sure and it was better if he didn't know. She knew that he wanted children and that it would hurt him if she told him that she couldn't keep their child. 

And she feared that she had to tell him about her abortion now. He still didn't know. She wanted to tell him several times already because she wanted him to know and he deserved to know. But she didn't find the right moment yet. And she feared his reaction.

On the other hand, she had to tell him sooner or later. And this was a good moment to do it.

She still looked at him, not sure how to start the conversation.

He wasn't sure what exactly was bothering her, but he knew that there was something she wanted to tell him.

He let go of her hand, stroked her face and kissed her cheek before he took her hand again and started to speak.

"You know you can talk to me about whatever you want, right? I will love you no matter what. I care about you. Let me help you, please."

When she looked into his warm and understanding eyes she could see that he really meant what he said. But she still couldn't find the right words.

" I … I don't know … ", she sighed.

Suddenly he could put two and two together.

She wasn't feeling well in the mornings, that told him something, especially since he was a doctor.

"Is it possible that you are … pregnant?"

He couldn't help but smile a little. He always wanted a family, especially with Abby. But she still looked sad.

"If you worry what I'd think about it … I'd love it!", he said and smiled a little more.

When she saw the happiness in his face she knew that she had to tell him now. She didn't want him to hope for a baby, a family, while she knew that they'd never have that together.

"I … I don't know. I don't think so. We were always careful. And … I hope I am not."

The words were out before she could think about them. She could see the sad and hurt expression on his face when she looked at him.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that. There is nothing in the world I'd love to have more than a wonderful child with you! It's just that … you know my mother and my brother. They are both bipolar and … "

"You think our child could be bipolar, too?", he asked her, while the expression on his face changed. He knew her fear of having a bipolar child.

She was glad to see that he seemed to understand.

"Yeah.", she brought out, hardly above a whisper. She blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall when she thought about what she'd have to tell him next.

"And because I know I couldn't keep the child, even though I know that we'd love it, even if it was bipolar, I hope that I am not pregnant. Because I couldn't do it again, especially not with your child."

He looked at her in confusion.

"Do what again?"

"I was pregnant once, when I was married to Richard.", she sighed deeply while her tears started to fall slowly.

He looked at her in surprise. When he saw her tears he reached up to her face again and wiped them away with his thumb. He had an idea of what she was about to tell him, but didn't know what to say, so he just listened to her.

"But I couldn't keep it. I couldn't risk to have a bipolar child with him. Our marriage was not the best, I didn't know if we'd still be together when the child would have been born. And I couldn't live with a bipolar child, not after my life with Maggie and Eric. I love them, but that's why it hurts so much to see them suffer. So I had an abortion. I never told him, and that was the end of our marriage."

She was crying freely now, her face buried deeply in his neck, while he wrapped his arms around her tightly to comfort her.

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you yet. But I just couldn't. I didn't know how. I was scared about how you'd react, if you'd understand. Or if you'd think that I'm  horrible person.", she sobbed, her face still in his neck.

"Abby, I know what it's like with your mother and your brother, that it's not easy. But I also know how much you love them and take care of them, even though most of the time they hurt you in the end. I could never think that you're a horrible person, I still love you as much as before. I understand why you did it. But you have to promise me something. If you should ever be pregnant with our child, please come to me and tell me, that we can talk about it, okay?"

He was against abortion and knew that usually she was, too. But he understood her intentions, it was a special situation. But he was also hoping that she'd not do the same with their child.

She just nodded.

"I know I couldn't abort our child. I hope I will never even have to think about it. But I promise that I'd tell you."

He tightened his embrace around her even more and kissed the top of her head. He could feel how much it hurt her and how much she regretted the decision she made a few years ago. And he hoped that he could convince her to keep the child if she ever was pregnant, to have a family with him. But he also knew that this was not the right time to talk about it. She needed comfort now, no talk about the future.

He just held her for a while, with tears in his own eyes, before he spoke again.

"You also have to promise me that you get a check up tomorrow. There has to be a reason why you are not feeling well."

She lifted her head up from his neck and smiled slightly.

"See, that's why I didn't want to tell you that I was sick. I knew the mother in you would come out."

He smiled. He was glad that she was feeling better now.

"It's not the mother, it's the doctor. And now let's go to sleep. You need some rest. Doctor's orders! Do you still feel nauseous?"

She nodded. "A little."

He made her stand up from his lap and lay down on the bed on his right side and stretched his arm out over her pillow. She lay down in front of him, with her back against his chest and her head on his arm.

He reached over her with his left hand and slipped under her shirt to put it on her bare stomach. He started to form round patterns with his flat hand on her skin to make the nausea go away.

There she was again, wrapped in his embrace. Listening to his breathing, feeling his heartbeat against her back. And it still had the same effect on her. She calmed down and thought about that possible child again. Maybe she could have a child with this wonderful man. She decided to have a pregnancy test the next day, just to be sure. But she also decided not to tell him about it. She'd keep her promise to tell him, but not immediately. She wasn't sure about her own feelings and how she'd react, no matter if it was positive or negative. She wanted to think about it alone first and not bring up his hopes if she was pregnant.

Feeling loved and secure in his arms, she fell asleep quickly.

***

They awoke in the morning, still in the same position, from the noise of the alarm clock.

Abby immediately remembered the dream she had. It was about having a baby and it was a beautiful dream. She thought that this could only be a good sign.

She kept thinking about the child the whole day. She even caught herself resting her hand on her stomach.

But she was still scared of the results she'd get from her pregnancy test later.

They both had to work, so there was not much time to spent together. But the little time they had, they felt closer to each other than ever before.

Abby was glad that she told John about the abortion. And that they talked about children and that he understood.

He was also glad that she let him in a little more.


	2. The Truth

**Author's Notes**: Thank you for reading and reviewing! It really means a lot to me to know that you are out there and reading. I hope you will enjoy chapter 2!

More Author's Notes in the end.

**Chapter 2: "The Truth"**

"Susan, do you have a minute?"

Susan startled a little when she felt a hand on her shoulder from behind. She was relieved that it was Abby when she turned around.

"God, you scared me.", she said, but with a smile. She could never be mad with her best friend. "I thought you were Luka, he was chasing after me the whole morning, trying to talk me out of this idea I had for the evening. Don't you think to visit the opera is a good idea?", she said with a wink. "I know he hates the opera, but still. I mean, he wants to marry me, he has to get used  … "

She stopped in the middle of her sentence when she looked closer at Abby. She knew something was wrong.

"Abby, what's wrong?"

"I need to talk to you."

"Sure, let's go to exam 1, it should be empty, we'll have a little privacy there.", she said and grabbed Abby gently by her arm. 

She followed her, glad that Susan understood that it was something serious and something not everybody in the hospital should know about.

They sat down next to each other on a gurney.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"It's … I wanted to ask you something. To do me a favour."

"Sure, anything. Just tell me."

"I wanted to ask you if you could take a test with my blood … a pregnancy test."

Abby sighed. She was glad that it was out. But she also knew that Susan would have thousands of questions and she'd have to explain a lot to her to make her understand that it's nothing to be happy about when she saw the smile on her face.

"You think you are pregnant? That's so great! Does John know? You must be so happy!", Susan exclaimed. But she stopped soon when she saw that Abby did not look happy.

"There is nothing for John to know. At least not yet. I doubt I really am pregnant. But I want to be sure before I tell him anything."

"Don't you want a child with him?"

"More than anything else. But I can't." When she saw the confused look on Susan's face she knew that more explanation was necessary. "You know, my mother and my brother are bipolar. As a doctor you know what that means. And I am afraid that I could pass it to our children, you know? I don't know if I can take that risk. I was always sure that I couldn't. But now with John I am not sure anymore. He is the greatest man on earth and I know he'd love our children, no matter what. But I am not sure if I can do that to him. And if I could live with it myself. So I hope that I am not pregnant. I don't want to have to make that decision. But I did not feel well lately and even though I take the pill, there is still that 0.02 % chance. I just want to be sure."

"I understand and I am sorry!", Susan said, while putting an arm around her friend. "Of course I will do the test for you."

"Thanks." Abby smiled weakly. "But please don't tell John about it. I want to tell him myself when I know something."

"I won't tell him anything."

"Thank you.", Abby said before she hugged her friend.

She didn't want to tell her about the abortion, though Susan was her close and best friend. It was hard enough to tell it Carter and her mother. She didn't want too many people to know. And she didn't know what she would think about her, since Susan was in a situation where she might not understand what Abby did.

Abby lay down on the gurney while Susan took her blood.

"I will let them do several tests but make sure that they will have the results of the pregnancy test fast. I'll be right back."

Susan left the room while Abby still lay on the gurney. That quiet moment gave her time to think about her situation again.

She really didn't know anymore what she'd prefer. The thought of a child with John grew on her. And if she could have children with anyone, it could only be him. But to not be pregnant seemed to be so much easier.

She decided to stop thinking about it, since it didn't make much sense. She could think about it when she had the results.

***

10 minutes later Susan came back with the results.

Abby sat up on the gurney when she saw her come in and Susan sat down next to her.

"Abby, I got your results back."

"That was fast. Thank you, Susan. I am really glad that you do this with me. I don't know if I could do it alone."

"We're friends, of course I do that with you.", Susan answered while putting her arm around Abby.

"Are you ready to hear the results now?"

Abby just nodded. She couldn't take it any longer to wait.

"Okay, so the blood test says that you are not pregnant."

A million thoughts raced through Abby's head. She thought she would be relieved and glad that she was not pregnant. But she could strongly feel that she was disappointed and sad about the news.

She had already thought about that possible child too much. She started to like the idea of having a baby with John. And now she felt that unbelievable sadness. She tried hard not to show it, not to cry now.

Susan tried to read the expression on Abby's face. She wasn't sure if she was relieved about the news or not. She thought she'd be after all Abby told her before. But she felt like her friend was about to cry.

"Abby?", she asked, tightening her embrace around her. She put the results aside and took her hand. "Are you okay?"

Abby nodded, but Susan knew better.

"You wanted this test to be positive, right? I am sorry, Abby."

"I really don't know, Susan. I didn't want to be pregnant. It would be too complicated. But I have already spent some time thinking about how it would be with a child, with John's child. And now I can't help but be sad. I know that it's pathetic because there never even was a child … I don't know myself what is wrong with me."

Her eyes wandered down to Susan's round belly. She was 5 months pregnant with hers and Luka's first child. They were together for about 8 months and it was not planned. But they were both very happy about it and looking forward to have that child.

Susan followed Abby's gaze down to her belly.

"Oh, I am sorry Abby.", she said, putting her hand on it. She felt bad that she was pregnant while Abby was sad that she wasn't.

"No, there is nothing you have to be sorry about. I am so happy for you, that you'll have your little baby soon." She put her hand on Susan's belly, too. "I am looking forward to be an aunt.", she added and smiled. But she couldn't hold that smile for long when she looked into Susan's worried eyes.

She was really happy for Susan, but at that moment there was nothing she could do against her sadness.

   
Susan pulled her into her arms. She remembered how sad she was when she lost her little niece a few years ago and she could understand a little how Abby felt.

"Everything is going to be okay, Abby.", she said while rubbing her back, trying to comfort her.

***

Abby went home immediately after Susan took the test and told her the results.

She had to work only 5 hours that day, so she was at home at 1.30 pm.

She didn't even say good bye to Carter. She just couldn't face him. At least not yet. She wanted some time to think about everything. To find the right words to tell him.

So she just asked Susan to tell him that she was in a hurry and that she couldn't find him before she left.

When she arrived at home, she wished that Carter was already there. To be all alone only made her feel worse.

And she couldn't find the right words anyway, since there are no words that are right to say what she had to say.

***

When Carter came home, he found Abby curled up on the couch, covered with a blanket.

He thought she had fallen asleep in front of the TV and was just about to turn it off, when he saw that she moved a little.

"Hey.", he said with a smile. "How was your day? You just disappeared suddenly. Susan told me you couldn't find me."

He leaned down to give her a short but loving kiss.

When he sat down next to her and put her legs on his lap, he saw that she looked like there was something she wanted to get off her chest.

"Abby, what's wrong? Did anything happen?", he asked concerned.

He wasn't sure if she let already make some tests to find out why she was not feeling well.

She looked into his eyes, but still didn't know how to tell him the news.

He could see that she was searching for the right words and decided to try to start instead.

"Did you let them make any tests today at the hospital?"

She just nodded.

"Do you have results already?"

He was concerned that it could be something serious that caused her nausea.

She took a deep breath before she started to speak.

"Susan did several tests. But I do only know the results from the … the pregnancy test."

He didn't know what to wish for. He wanted nothing more than a child with Abby. But he also knew that it wouldn't be easy if she was pregnant. 

He just kept looking at her, waiting for more.

She looked down at her fingers that were playing nervously with the blanket the whole time.

"It was negative."

She could feel that her eyes were beginning to fill with tears. To tell him brought back all the emotions she felt when she got the results from Susan a few hours before. And it was even harder now not to cry when she was with Carter than it already was with Susan.

He could feel sadness overcome him. In that moment he knew that he definitely wanted her to be pregnant.

He was confused when he looked at her. He thought that not being pregnant was what she wanted. But she looked sad.

"Hey.", he said while he leaned over and stroked her cheek. "You don't seem to be happy about it."

She shook her head. "I don't know. I thought I would be. I thought that was what I wanted. But when Susan told me that I was not pregnant, I felt like I lost a child. I know, it's pathetic, there never even was a child. But I thought about the possibility the whole day and got used to it a little. And then I was sad when she told me that the test was negative. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Abby, nothing is wrong with you. You want to be a mother, that's nothing wrong.", he tried to reassure her. "You are scared, but the wish to be a mother is stronger than that. And that's okay. It's not pathetic at all. It's okay to be sad."

She didn't know what she did to deserve a man like Carter. He was the most sensitive man she ever met.

"Can you please just hold me for a while?"

All she wanted now was to be in his arms, feel him close.

He put her legs down and moved closer to her to put his arms around her and to hug her.

When she felt his arms around herself and heard his familiar heartbeat and his breathing, she couldn't be strong anymore. Tears she tried to hold back the whole time started to roll down her face slowly while she tried to bury her face even deeper into his sweater. She wanted to be as close to him as possible.

She was glad that he understood what she felt.

He stroked her back to comfort her, with tears in his own eyes. "Hey, it's okay. We can still have a baby."

***

Carter was the first who awoke. He had fallen asleep on the couch, with Abby still in his arms. He held her while she was crying and watched her for some time after she had fallen asleep. He loved to watch her sleeping. She looked so peaceful and free from all worries.

Of course he knew better, but sometimes they both needed a break from all the problems life brought.

"Hey sleepy head.", he whispered into her ear and stroked her hair.

Abby stirred slightly and opened her eyes. She smiled when she saw Carter looking at her.

"Are you feeling better?"

She nodded. "A lot better."

"We should go over to the bed now. Our shifts start in a few hours and I don't know if I will be able to move when I sleep a few more hours on that couch.", he said with a smile.

"You are right", she said and got up. She took his hand and helped him up. When he stood in front of her she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissed him gently on the lips and looked into his eyes.

"Thank you for everything. I don't know how you do that, but somehow life doesn't look bad anymore when you are with me. You are the most important person in my life. I love you, you know that, right?"

Her eyes always became teary in moments like that, when she realised how lucky she was to have that man by her side.

"I know.", he said with a smile and kissed her back. "But you don't have to thank me. I love you, too and being there for you is the least I can do."

"I mean it, John. You are not just there for me, you are special. You know and understand me better than anyone else. And that's nothing I take for granted, I want you to know that. I caused so much trouble in our relationship with all my problems, but you are still there. And I want to thank you for that."

She knew that he knew all that, but she felt the need to tell him from time to time.

He noticed how serious she had become and knew that she needed him to accept that she thanked him. He knew that she felt responsible for all the problems her family caused. But he didn't mind, it wasn't her fault and he loved her.

He wiped away the tear that was rolling down her cheek now and kissed her forehead. He knew this time it was a tear of happiness. She was happy to be with him. And that made him happy, too.

"Okay, but you are not only causing trouble, you know?", he chuckled slightly. "You are special for me, too. To be with you makes me more happy than anything else.", he added with a smile and pulled her into a hug.

She didn't know what else to say. She just wanted to enjoy the feeling of his strong arms around herself. She felt like nothing in the world could hurt her when he held her like that.

They held each other tightly for a few moments before they went over to the bedroom. 

They fell asleep in each others arms quickly.

***

"Did I forget to take the "Please puke all over me!" sign off my forehead or what's up today?", Abby sighed when she entered he lounge.

Carter looked up from his paper and smiled at her.

"Again?"

"Well, look at this and take a wild guess." She presented him the top of her scrubs.

"Oh.", was all he could say. He tried hard not to laugh.

"That's not funny, Carter". She tried to be serious, too. But she couldn't hold her face long when she saw Carter finally laughing.

"Maybe not for you … ", he answered.

"Not for you either if you don't stop laughing.", she added while she took off her top.

"Well, I think I should make you a sign like that."

"What?"

"The sign, you know, "Please puke all over me!" I like it that you change your top in front of me the second time already. I could get used to it. And maybe that sign would help a little.", he said with a smile while he walked towards her. He put his arms around her waist from behind when he reached her and kissed her neck.

"Carter, stop it. What if someone comes in?", she said, but didn't really want him to stop. She turned around in his arms and put hers around his neck. They started to kiss.

"Hmm, if only we were at home now …", she whispered against his lips between kisses.

"You say it." He had his hands all over her back.

"John! Hands off my bra!", she giggled.

"Okay, but only if you promise me that we continue at this point when we are at home."

"I'm all for it."

"Great."

They were still kissing, but Abby finally freed herself from his embrace and put on her fresh top. Just in time as Susan entered the room.

"Hey Abby, I got a note from Dr. Warner because of the results from your blood tests. He wants to see you as soon as possible."

"Dr. Warner? Isn't he the specialist at the hospital for … ", Abby wanted to ask. They all didn't know him, but they knew what he was doing at the hospital.

"Yeah.", Susan interrupted her. "I really don't know why he wants to see you, sorry. I will leave you two alone now.", she added before she left the lounge again. 

She really didn't know what Dr. Warner wanted, but she had a feeling that it couldn't be anything good. She was glad that John was with Abby there, he could help her the most now.

Abby sat down on the couch, staring at the table in front of her.

"Hey.", Carter said and sat down next to her. He put his arm around her. "I am sure everything will be all right, don't worry."

She sighed. "Do you come with me?"

"Of course. I won't leave your side, okay?"

She nodded. Abby was scared, but she felt better when he said that he'd go with her. 

He kissed her forehead and pulled her into his arms. He was worried, too. But he didn't want to show her that. He couldn't help but think of Bobby.

***

"Abigail Carter?"

Abby nodded and shook the hand the older man held out for her.

"That's my husband.", she said and pointed at John who was sitting in the chair next to her.

The man shook John's hand and sat down behind his desk.

"I'm Dr. Warner.", the friendly man introduced himself. "I don't want to let you wait any longer. I wanted to see you because of the results from your blood tests. I'm sorry that I have to tell you that, but it's Leukaemia."

Abby didn't believe her ears. She couldn't believe what she just heard. That couldn't be true.

Her hand reached out for Carter's instinctively. She needed to feel him now.

But she didn't have to reach out far, because Carter's hand was on its way to hers already. So they met in the middle and he took her hand in his, squeezed it tightly.

He looked at her, but Abby was staring at the doctor in disbelief.

Carter couldn't believe it either, he was fighting with his tears. He couldn't believe that it was happening again. To go through it with Bobby was already hard. He couldn't lose another person in his life to Leukaemia. 

He was very worried, but didn't want to show Abby that he was. He wanted to be there for her and support her.

"Leukaemia?"

"Yes, but the good news is, that we found out in a very early stage. The chances to be healed completely are at 98%. I don't want to play it down, but your chances are very good if we start to treat it immediately. We will try medication first, but marrow transplant might be necessary. I want us to find a donor already, just to have one if we need one."

"Test me.", Carter exclaimed. 

Doctor Warner looked at him in confusion.

"I know, our blood will probably not match, since we are not blood relatives, but I want to try it."

"Of course we can do that. You never know. We'll make an appointment for tomorrow to take your blood. I want you to go home now and take care of your wife. You both need time to deal with the situation. I think I don't need to explain any more to you, since you are familiar with the medical facts."

Carter just nodded.

"Okay, I will see you tomorrow then."

Abby didn't say a word during the whole time. She was like paralysed.

Carter got up, still holding her hand. He put his hand on her shoulder to make her stand up, too.

It was like she snapped out of a daydream. She let go of Carter's hand, shook doctor Warner's hand and left the room with a simple "Thank you.".

Carter was staring at her leaving.

"Thank you Dr. Warner.", Carter said and shook his hand. "We'll meet tomorrow then."

He followed Abby outside quickly to catch up with her.

Doctor Warner looked after them until Carter closed the door behind himself.

He had already given that news to a lot of people. And he knew that the calmest where the ones who took it the hardest.

***

"Abby, wait!", Carter yelled after her down the hallway. She was not going quickly, but was already about 20 meters ahead of him.

She was in shock, didn't know what to do or think. She was scared, didn't notice anything around her, but she stopped immediately at the sound of Carter's voice, though she didn't turn around.

He put his hand on her shoulder to turn her around so he could face her.

She looked horrible. He thought she took the news pretty well when the doctor told them. But now that they were alone she looked so vulnerable and desperate, like she would break down any minute. She was staring down at the floor.

He put his hand under her chin to make her look at him.

"Hey, it's going to be okay. Do you hear me?", he said and kissed her forehead. "We will find someone with the right blood. And maybe the medication will already be enough."

He didn't really believe his own words. He was hoping that the medication would help, but he also knew that it could be very difficult to find the right person for a transplant. But he needed to say something to make her feel better.

She didn't believe them either, but just that he was near her and to hear his loving voice made everything a bit better.

"The nausea and everything … I never though that it could be Leukaemia."

"I know. Nobody did. But it's good that we found out that early."

He could see that her eyes were slowly filling with tears, until one single drop finally started to run down her cheek.

He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly, rocked her gently while rubbing her back.

He could feel her arms around himself, clinging onto him. She was trembling heavily under her sobs.

"I am so scared.", she admitted into his chest.

"I know.", was all he could say. He couldn't fool her. She knew about Leukaemia as well as he did. So he just kept on holding her, just even more tight now.

No more words needed to be spoken. He could feel how upset she was and she knew that Carter truly and deeply cared about her.

**Author's Notes**: Well, now you know that it's not about what it seemed to be … at least not in the beginning. ; ) But trust me, it will have lots of fuzz, just keep on reading! And don't forget to let me know what you think if you have a moment. I'd like to know if you want to read more! ; )


	3. Family Affairs

**Author's Notes**: Thank you for reading and for your reviews! They mean so much to me! : ) I am glad that most of you enjoy the story so far! I hope you'll like chapter 3! : ) Please let me know what you think about it if you have a minute. Thanks. : )

**Chapter 3: "Family Affairs"**

"No match.", Abby said quietly.

Her and Carter were both sitting next to each other on the bed. The hospital just called to tell them Carter's results of the blood test.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault.", she answered quietly, still staring at the phone in her hands.

"We knew that this would probably be the results."

She just nodded.

"You have to call your mother and Eric."

He knew that she didn't like to call her mother and her brother. She didn't want them to worry, didn't want to cause trouble in their lifes, especially since they were doing so great lately. But they were her closest relatives, she knew she had to call them sooner or later.

"I know."

"Do you want me to … ", he said, ready to get up to give her some privacy to call her mother.

"No, please stay with me.", she pleaded, looking into his eyes now. He could see how desperate she was.

"Of course." He took her left hand in his while she dialled Maggie's number with her other.

Maggie and Eric were living about an hour out of Chicago. Eric had to move there to make his therapy and Maggie agreed to stay near him to support him.

"Mom? It's Abby.", she said with a shaky voice. "Listen, I was at the doctor yesterday and he told me that", she took a deep breath, "I have Leukaemia. – Mom, please don't. It's not that bad. It's in an early stage, but I need you and Eric to get your blood tested. I might need a transplant. Can you both come here?"

Abby was about to cry and couldn't take to talk to her mother any longer. She knew how worried she was and that made her worry herself even more. It made it all more real. 

That her mother was worried meant that it was something serious. But Abby was not ready yet to accept it all completely. She was hardly able to cope with it in half denial at the moment.

"Sorry, but I can't.", she whispered and gave the phone to Carter.

He looked at her intensely during the whole call and knew that he had to talk to Maggie, since Abby couldn't.

"Maggie? – Hey, it will all be okay. – Tomorrow is fine. I will pick you both up at the airport at 3 pm, okay? – Bye.", she heard Carter say before he hung up the phone.

"Thank you."

"Any time."

"She was crying."

"I know.", he said, wiping away a tear from her face before he pulled her into a hug once more. He did that several times already during the last hours, since they got the news. There was not much else he could do for her. He wanted her to know that he was with her through it all. She needed him to talk about her worries, to be with her. And he was glad that she let him.

"And she will take the plane to come here?", Abby asked into his chest in disbelief. She knew that her mother hated flying.

"She wanted to be here as soon as possible, she loves you.", was all he could say and kissed the top of her head.

***

"Abby, are you ready to go?", Carter asked and put a hand on Abby's shoulder. She was standing at the window, staring outside at nothing in particular.

She turned around and smiled at him weakly. "No, but we have to go eventually, right?"

He kissed her forehead and smiled, too. "Yes, I think so."

She sighed and put her arms around him to hug him.

"Hey, anything wrong?", he asked and put his arms around her, too.

"I am just scared. How will it be to meet my mother? She was already crying on the phone. I don't want her to worry. I wish I could just forget about all that."

"I know." He started to rub her back and rock her gently. "But you are her daughter, it's a normal thing for her to be worried about you."

He could feel that she was having a hard time facing her loved ones. He was glad that she let him be with her. And he knew what she needed. He knew she was still in denial and didn't want to talk about it. But he also knew that she'd come around when she was ready.

"And I will be by your side the whole time if you need me, okay?"

She nodded. She wanted to be in his arms forever, but she knew she had to face her mother and her brother sooner or later. "Okay." 

He kissed her forehead, grabbed his keys and led her gently to the door. She was still reluctant to go, but they both knew she had to.

***

Abby didn't say a single word during the whole ride to the airport and stared out of the window absent-mindedly.

Carter put his hand on her knee to let her know that he was there.

She put her hand over his and squeezed it lightly to thank him silently. She didn't know what she would do without him.

***

They arrived at the airport way too early. Maggie's and Eric's plane wasn't even there yet.

So they sat down in the waiting area, close to each other, holding each others hands.

"Where will they stay?", Abby finally asked, looking at John.

"I don't know, depends on where you want them to stay." He was fine with them staying at their apartment, there was room enough. But he wanted to leave the decision to Abby.

"I am not sure. I want my Mom and my brother close. But I don't want them to worry all day. I don't know if I can take it to see them worried about me day and night."

She looked at him, pleading silently for him do decide, because she really didn't know what was right.

He looked into her eyes and knew that she couldn't make the decision. He understood that on the one hand she needed them, but on the other she didn't want to make it even harder for them. Finally he decided for what he thought was the best for her.

"I think they should stay with us, what do you think?" That way there would always be someone with Abby, even when he had to work. He knew that Abby needed them.

She looked at him, relieved and rested her head on his shoulder. "Thank you ."

They both knew that it was the right decision.

Suddenly she felt him squeeze her hand again. 

"They are here."

They both got up. He could feel that Abby was nervous, he was still holding her hand.

And he could see that her eyes became more and more teary the closer her mother and her brother came. They were all getting teary eyed actually.

When they finally reached them, none of them could really find words.

"Abby ... ", was all Maggie could bring out before she hugged her daughter tightly while Carter let go of her hand.

Eric and John also hugged each other. Then Carter gave Maggie a hug and Eric his sister.

"So, how was your flight?", Abby asked nervously after they parted from their embraces, trying to avoid them talking about her while reaching out for Carter's hand again. She relaxed a little when he took it and she felt her hand back in his and he squeezed it gently.

"Do you really want to know?", Eric asked, looking at Maggie with a smirk. "I am glad that it was not a long flight. She was about to climb onto my lap.", he added, trying to light up the situation. He could feel that Abby wasn't ready to talk yet. And he himself didn't want to think about it either, think about, that his sister's life could be in danger.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I know you hate flying. Did they at least have peanuts?", Abby tried to joke and forced a smile.

But Maggie didn't let them distract her. She was staring at her daughter the whole time, expecting an explanation of the situation. She didn't know anything about Leukaemia, she needed to know how serious it was for her daughter.

"Abby, please tell me all you know about it!"

She was looking into her eyes, with the intention not to stop before she had the answers she needed.

Abby didn't know what to say. What was she supposed to tell her mother?

She looked at Carter helplessly, her eyes pleading for him to do something.

He understood immediately what Abby wanted from him.

He took Maggie's bag and started to walk towards the exit doors.

"Let's not discuss this here. Let's go home first. You will stay with us while you are here.", he said to Maggie and Eric with a smile.

Maggie was not pleased with it, she needed to know what was happening to her daughter. But she had to agree, the airport, with all these strangers surrounding them, was really not the right place to talk about it.

Abby was glad. John always seemed to know what to do. He was great with her family.

She squeezed his hand lightly on their way out to let him know that she thanked him.

Carter understood her guesture and squeezed it back. He would do anything to make it easier for her.

***

The ride back was quiet. Maggie and Eric were sitting on the backseat while John was driving and Abby was sitting next to him.

She was biting her lip and playing with her fingers. She was nervous. She had no idea what to tell Maggie later. She was glad that John was with her. Though she felt guilty that she let him do all the unpleasant things. But she just couldn't do them herself at the moment.

As if he could read her mind he put his right hand over hears to calm her down. When she turned her head to look at him she could see that he was smiling at her reassuringly. She smiled back at him. She knew he'd help her through it.

***

When they came home Carter showed Maggie and Eric the rooms they'd stay in before they all gathered in the kitchen to have some coffee.

Abby was pacing through the kitchen, making the coffee and doing other things that really didn't need to be done at that moment.

John knew that she was trying to keep herself busy. She tried everything to avoid a silent moment to talk to her mother and her brother. They were both sitting at the table, waiting for Abby to sit down and talk.

But he could understand her. How do you tell your mother and your brother that you are sick, that you could even die from it? 

Thinking about it brought back his own fears. Usually he pushed them away to be strong for Abby. But he was scared to lose her, too.

When he saw her leave the kitchen the hundredth time he decided to excuse himself and follow her to talk to her.

"I'll be right back.", he said to Maggie and Eric before he left them.

He could just see that she closed the bathroom door behind herself when he walked around the corner. He knocked at the door and followed her inside when he didn't hear anything from her. He knew she was only in there to hide.

She knew it was him the minute he knocked at the door. And she was glad that it was him, she needed him.

She was standing at the sink, staring into the mirror in front of her.

"I'm sorry, but I can't.", she said with a shaky voice. "I can't talk to them. I don't know what to say, or better how to say it."

He walked over to her.

"Hey, don't worry about it, I'll talk to them.", he said, rubbing her back carefully.

She turned around to face him. She was relieved that he'd take care of it. But she still felt bad that he had to do it again.

"I'm sorry that you have to do it, but I really can't."

"It's okay, really. Don't worry about anything.", he said and kissed her forehead before he pulled her into his arms. "Go to bed, it's late and you need some rest. I will follow you soon.", he added before he pulled away from her to kiss her lips gently.

"Thank you."

"Any time."

He led her over to the bedroom and kissed her again before he went back to the kitchen.

"Night, love you."

"Night, love you, too."

He wasn't looking forward to talk to them either. But someone had to, and he was the only one who could at the moment.

Maggie and Eric were already awaiting him and gave him a puzzled look when he came back without Abby.

They were sitting next to each other on one side of the table.

"I told her to go to bed. It was a long day and she was exhausted.", he told them while he sat down on the other side of the table to face them.

They were disappointed, but understood.

"Don't worry, I will tell you all you want to know."

He spent the next hour explaining Abby's mother and brother everything they wanted to know and what was understandable for someone who didn't know anything about medical stuff.

Maggie was crying and Eric was trying to comfort her, though he had tears in his eyes, too. Carter was glad that Abby didn't have to see them all worry that much.

"But her chances are really good. Leukaemia is treatable and we found out very early."

"Thank you for explaining everything, John.", Eric said and put his hand over his. "We really needed to know what's going on with Abby."

"I know.", he answered, and he really meant it. He knew he'd go crazy if he didn't know everything about it.

***

When he entered the bedroom he saw that Abby was still awake.

"Hey, why aren't you sleeping?", he asked her while he got rid of his clothes and crawled into bed next to her. "Your mother and your brother have gone to bed, too."

"I couldn't sleep.", she answered while she moved closer to him and lay her head on his chest. "Did you talk to them?"

He nodded but couldn't speak suddenly. The talk with Maggie and Eric had been very emotional and he could feel the lump in his throat. To tell them everything meant to realise everything even more, accept that it was real. The fear of losing her was overwhelming him. He swallowed hard and tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. He didn't want her to see him worry. He knew that she was having a hard time accepting that people worried about her. And he didn't want to make it even harder for her.

But when she turned her head to look up to him and he could see her eyes, he couldn't help it, he couldn't hide anything from her. 

Tears flooded his eyes until the first hot drop started to trickle down his face, leading the way for many others to follow.

"I'm sorry.", he whispered, hardly audible.

"Hey, don't be sorry.", she whispered back and kissed his cheek, wrapped her arms around him to hold him tight. She knew why he was crying. She knew he was worried, scared to lose her. And she knew that he always tried to be strong for her. It was not easy to accept it, but she could understand that he needed to let go of his emotions, too sometimes.

"It's okay to cry.", she added, crying herself.

***

The next morning they awoke early. Today was the day, the day they had the appointment at the hospital for Eric and Maggie to get their blood tested.

Abby was lying with her back against Carter's chest and turned around to face him when she woke up from the sunlight coming through the window.

He was already awake and looking at her.

"Hey, good morning.", she said and kissed him. "For how long have you been awake?"

"Good morning.", he said back to her. "I don't know, I've been watching you for a little while."

"You didn't.", she answered with a smile, kissing him again.

"Oh, I did.", he said against her lips.

"Wasn't it boring?"

"Not at all."

"Liar."

"No, really. You are beautiful when you sleep."

She didn't know what to say, he was just the most charming man on earth. All she could do was grin when she looked into his eyes.

They were both feeling much better that morning, after they let out their feelings.

But he just wanted to forget about last night, he felt guilty that he showed her how much he worried. In his eyes he made it only harder for her.

But Abby saw it differently. She was glad that he was so open with her, that he didn't treat her like she was made of glass only because she was sick.

"Feeling better this morning?", she suddenly asked.

"Yeah, much better. I am sorry, though."

"Hey, it's okay. You let me cry so many times, it's only fair that you let me be there for you, too."

"But it's already hard enough for you."

"Shhh." She put her finger on his lips to make him stop. "I know it's not easy for you either."

He bend down and kissed her forehead. He was amazed by her strength. She had so much to worry about, but she was still there for him. But he also knew that she was only strong from the outside. Only a few people knew that she wasn't that strong from the inside.

"Do you come with us to the hospital later? We have to be there at 11 am."

She had completely forgotten what day it was. It was the day she was scared of since Carter's blood test came back negative for her. Her mother and her brother were her only real chance in case she needed a marrow transplant. And she was scared that their blood wouldn't match either.

She was silent, but he could feel her heart beat faster against his chest.

"Hey, everything alright?"

She shook her head.

"What if … "

"Don't even think about it. We will find a donor, do you hear me? I promise."

She nodded and laid her head against his chest while he kissed the top of her head and wrapped his arms around her. He noticed that she needed him close lately and he didn't mind. He would do everything for her, just to make her feel better.

"I am not sure if I can do it.", she finally answered his question.

"I'll be with you the whole time."

She smiled. "Thank you."

"So you come with us?", he asked.

"Yeah."

"I'm proud of you.", he said before he kissed her one last time and got up to go over to the kitchen to meet Eric and Maggie.

"Good morning.", he said when he entered the room. Maggie and Eric were already sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee.

"Good morning.", they answered almost at the same time.

"Where is Abby?", Maggie asked.

"She's having a shower. She is getting ready for the hospital later."

He could see that Maggie was glad Abby came with them. She must have had the feeling that Abby was avoiding her and her brother. And he knew Abby was feeling guilty because she could hardly face them. But he knew it was because they meant so much to her. He thought it was good for all of them that she came with them later.

***

"Ouch!", Eric exclaimed when he felt the needle go through his skin. "Have you been a butcher in your earlier life?", he asked her jokingly.

But she only gave him an annoyed look before she disappeared with his blood.

John and Abby smiled at him. "You should be nice to nurse Ingrid.", he joked. He liked Eric and admired that he could always light up the situation. Even Maggie had to smile a little. John noticed that she was pretty tensed and quiet. Her face showed how much she worried about Abby. How worried she was that their blood was not right for Abby. She was not taking her eyes off Abby who was sitting next to John on a gurney.

2 minutes later the nurse came back to take the blood from Maggie.

"Let my mother live.", he said to her. "She's the only one I have."

Ingrid gave him the look that could kill people before she disappeared again, this time with Maggie's blood. "You can have the results in the afternoon." That were her last words.

"She's really one nice lady.", he finally said after she was gone and they all couldn't help but laugh a little.

They decided to leave the hospital, since they wouldn't have the results before the afternoon.

Eric took Maggie shopping. She didn't really want to, but she couldn't say no to her son. He wanted to distract her a little from her worries.

Abby and Carter headed home.

***

"Abby, the phone."

She was staring at the phone, but didn't pick it up.

"Don't you want to answer it?"

She shook her head. "Could you?"

He picked up the phone to answer it.

"John Carter – Yes, I am her husband. – Okay, thank you.", he said and put down the phone again, standing with his back towards Abby. He could feel the tears in his eyes when he turned around to tell her what the hospital told him.

She looked at him, full of hope that the test of their blood was positive for her.

He didn't know what to say. He just shook his head and from Abby's reaction he knew that she understood.

"I'm sorry.", he said before he pulled his sobbing wife into his arms.

It was as if the world stopped turning, stood still for a moment. All their hopes were destroyed by just one single phone call. They both didn't know what to do now.

They were standing in the living room, holding each other tightly, when Maggie and Eric came trough the door, back from their shopping.

They understood immediately that the hospital didn't have good news for them.

They walked over to Carter and Abby and wrapped their arms around the both of them, sharing the pain they felt.

After a moment Maggie pulled away from their hug and started to search for something in her bag. Eric was watching her with a puzzled look while Carter and Abby were still hugging.

"Mom, what are you searching for?", Eric asked his mother.

"A piece of paper.", she answered, not even looking at her son but going on to unpack lots of things out of her bag.

"What piece of paper?"

"A number."

"What number?"

Eric had no idea what number she could need now.

"A phone number.", she simply answered, going on to search through her belongings.

Now she even had the attention of Carter and Abby. All three were looking at her now.

Finally, she found what she was looking for and returned to the others.

She walked over to Abby and gave her the piece of paper she held in her hand.

It looked really old, but she could tell that it was her mother's handwriting.

"I never thought I'd ever use this number, but now I don't see another way."

Abby looked at her, still confused, as Carter and Eric were.

"Whose number is that, Mom?", she asked her mother. She sniffed while she wiped a few tears from her eyes.

"It's the last number I have from your father. Call him, he needs to get his blood tested."


	4. Sins Of A Father

**Author's Notes: **Thank you for all the great reviews! They mean so much to me! : ) I am glad that you like the story so far. Here is chapter 4. I hope you'll like this one as well. I'd love to know what you think and if you want to read more! : ) Thanks!

**Chapter 4: "Sins Of A Father"**

Abby was sitting in the bedroom, staring at the phone in front of her and the numbers on the piece of paper in her hand.

Maggie and Eric were in their rooms. She wanted to be alone to call the number. The only person she wanted to stay was Carter. He was sitting next to her on the bed with his arm around her. He was slowly forming small patterns on her arm to make her relax a little. He could feel the tension in her.

She sighed deeply before she turned her head to Carter.

"I haven't seen him for almost 25 years, how can I call him now?" She sighed. "The last time I saw him was in our garden in Minnesota. It was summer and Eric and I were playing. My brother was only 4 and I was 7. He was leaving for work as he did every morning. He gave us both a hug and kissed our foreheads before he said good bye to us. His last good bye, I never saw him again after that morning. I was sitting at the window for a whole week, staring at the spot on the street where his car usually stood, waiting for him to come back. But he never did. Eric and I loved him so much, but he just left.", she said and looked down at her hands in her lap that were nervously playing with the piece of paper.

Although Abby never really talked a lot about her father, he knew how her father left them.

"I know you are scared and it hurts to remember all that. But you really need to talk to him."

Carter was desperate. Her father was their only real chance. And he was not willing to let that chance go. He knew she was having a hard time, but she had to call him.

"But how can I demand anything from him now? I never called him before. It doesn't feel right that I call him just because I need something."

He felt for her. She was always blaming herself. And he knew she meant it, she was not only saying it. He tightened his embrace around her.

"Abby, it's not your fault. You know that. He left you, your brother and your mother when you were 7 years old. How could it be your fault? You were a little girl. There was nothing you could have done."

He could see tears in her eyes. Talking about the past brought all the sad memories back to her mind. It hurt him that she had to go through that. But there was no other way.

He kissed her forehead gently. "If he has a heart, he will be willing to help. Even if it's only to make up for everything he did to you in the past."

"Maybe if I tried harder to take care of my mother, maybe he would have stayed.", she whispered, almost not audible. Her voice was cracking with every word, the emotions she felt making it hard for her to speak.

He pulled her into a hug. Not a second too early, since she started to sob immediately when he pulled her head to his chest to comfort her.

"Oh Abby, he is a fool that he left you. You are a wonderful person, it can't have anything to do with you that he left, believe me. He doesn't deserve a daughter like you."

He could feel her calm down in his arms. She pulled away from his embrace, only enough to kiss him on the cheek. The little smile she had on her face made his heart skip a beat.

Finally, she took a deep breath, grabbed the phone and started dialling the number her mother gave her earlier.

It took about an hour before she finally had the right number. Of course her father wasn't living there anymore where he lived 25 years ago. But fortunately Abby only had friendly people on the phone, so it was easy to find him.

Abby sighed and held out her hand for Carter. She was holding another piece of paper in her hand.

"That should be his number."

Carter took the paper and tried to figure out what numbers she wrote down with her shaking hand while she was on the phone.

"That's a number from ..."

"Yeah, Chicago.", she cut him short. "I can't believe he's living here, maybe only 2 streets away from us. Maybe we met already while shopping or something. I was 7 when he left, I don't remember what exactly he looked like."

Carter looked at her, putting his hand reassuringly on her back.

"Do you want to be alone to call him?"

She shook her head and took the phone to dial the number. Carter could see her hand trembling while she was holding the phone to her ear. He could tell she was nervous to talk to her father after so many years.

The room was silent. All Carter and Abby could hear was each others breathing and the noise of the phone while they were waiting for the person on the other end of the line to pick up.

Carter could feel Abby's body tense when finally someone picked up the phone.

"Hello?", a female voice said.

Abby couldn't speak. Who was that woman? She didn't expect anyone else than her father to pick up the phone. A feeling told her that it was not the wrong number again.

"Hello?!", the voice asked a second time, with impatience this time, but still friendly.

"Hey, say something.", Carter whispered to Abby and started to rub her back.

That brought Abby back to reality. She swallowed hard before she found her voice.

"Hello, this is Abigail Carter, I'd like to talk to George Wyczenski."

"Hold on a second.", the female voice answered. She obviously put the phone down.

Abby could hear her call his name. She wasn't sure, but she thought she could also hear children in the background. At least two, a boy and a girl.

Abby turned her head to look at Carter. He gave her a smile and kissed her forehead to reassure her that she was doing great.

"Hello?", a male voice finally said.

Abby had to swallow again. This time it was even harder to speak. But she knew she had to.

"Hello. This is ... this is Abigail Carter.", she paused for a moment. "I am Maggie Wyczenski's daughter." She couldn't bring herself to say that she was his daughter. She just didn't feel like she was talking to her father. Too much time passed since she saw him the last time and it hurt her too much that he just left them 25 years ago.

This time it was her turn to wait for an answer. All she could hear was nervous breathing on the other end of the line.

"Are you still there?", she finally asked.

"Yeah, sorry, I am.", he finally said.

"I need to meet you.", she blurted out without further thinking. She knew if she thought about it, she would never be able to bring it out.

He was silent for a while before he answered. "Yeah, where?" He didn't know exactly what to say either. He didn't expect to ever talk to his daughter again.

"You say something and I'll be there. I live in Chicago, too."

He hardly believed what the woman on the other end of the line told him. His daughter was living in the same town, for years maybe, and he didn't know about it.

"Let's meet at Larry's. It's a small café here. Tomorrow at 5?"

"I'll be there.", she said and put down the phone quickly after he gave her the address.

***

"Who was that?", the woman in her early forties asked when she came out of the kitchen and saw that George hung up the phone.

"An old classmate. She is planning a 30 year reunion and asked if I could come.", he lied to his wife.

"Oh, these are fun.", she said while she wrapped her arms around his neck. "You will go, right?", she added and smiled at him.

"Yeah, it's tomorrow at 5."

"That's great. I am at school with Anna and Rick, though. You know, their play at school. We have to decorate lots of stuff. So I won't be able to come with you. But I am sure you will enjoy yourself, even without me.", she said and disappeared into the kitchen again.

He sighed, he was relieved that she couldn't come with him.

He turned around to go into the living room. His 7 year old son Rick and his 10 year old daughter Anna were sitting in front of the TV.

The memories of the past came back. They were sitting there like Abby and Eric many years ago. He wanted to meet his daughter, but he couldn't endanger his new life.

***

Abby hung up the phone and looked at Carter. She felt weird after the phone call. She never wanted to see him again after what he did to her, her brother and her mother. But on the other hand she wanted to see him, to know what life he lived after he left them. And she wanted him to answer her questions. She wanted to know why he left them.

Suddenly she noticed the questioning look on Carter's face. She still didn't tell him what he said. Her thoughts were somewhere else.

"We will meet tomorrow at 5, he lives at the other end of the town." Abby was glad that he didn't live anywhere near.

"Do you want me to come with you?", he asked.

She just put her arms around him and hugged him tightly. She was glad that she had him.

That was answer enough for him. He could feel that she needed him close. Usually she was strong and independent. But since she knew that she had Leukaemia she cried and needed to be hugged and reassured a lot. Especially since it was getting more and more emotional.

But he was glad that she let him in. And he loved it to be there for her.

"Thank you.", she whispered into his chest.

When they parted from their embrace and he looked into her eyes he could see that something else was wrong. She was not only upset because she talked to her father.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"I ... I think he is married again. And that he has children."

He could see that the thought that he has another family after he left them upset her.

"You don't know that.", he said, trying to show her that it's possible that she's wrong.

"And who was that woman on the phone?", she asked and looked into his eyes. "And I am sure I have heard children in the background. We were not good enough for him. And now he has another family." She tried hard to compose herself. She didn't want to cry again.

He could see that she was holding back tears and pulled her into his arms once again. He knew it was possible that she was right. Not that they were not good enough for Abby's father, because he was not good enough for them. But that he had a new wife and children was possible. But he didn't want to upset Abby even more.

"You know that you are more than good enough for him. And who knows who that woman was. Let's wait until we know anything for sure before we let it upset us, okay?"

He felt her nod against his chest, though he knew he couldn't really convince her. But she was calmer and that was all he could ask for.

***

Abby awoke early the next day after a night without sleep. At least it seemed like she didn't sleep only one single minute. The meeting they had today was on her mind all the time.

She turned around and could see that Carter was still sleeping. He had his arm around her protectively.

She freed herself from his embrace, careful not to wake him up. She felt already guilty because she demanded so much time from him lately. She wanted him to have his sleep at least. He already lay awake with her last night, holding her in his arms, trying to give a little of his strength to her.

She walked over to the kitchen to make some coffee. On her way she came past her mother's and her brother's room. Through the half open door she could see that they were still sleeping peacefully. It seemed at least like that. Though she knew they worried, too.

On the one hand she felt guilty that she caused her loved ones so much heartache. But on the other hand she was glad that she had them. She didn't know what she would do without them. To feel loved helped her a lot.

She filled the water in the coffee machine with shaky hands. She was still hours apart from meeting her father, but she was already nervous like hell. She felt her heart pounding in her chest. A laugh escaped her when she thought about it. She'd have a heart attack when she really stood in front of him. She was glad Carter would go with her.

When the coffee was finished she sat down at the kitchen table to think about what she'd say to her father later.

***

Carter awoke from the smell of coffee in the air.

He felt immediately that Abby was not with him in bed. He turned around to look at the alarm clock and saw that it was only 8 am.

He decided to get up and see where she was since he was a little worried.

"Good morning.", he greeted her when he entered the kitchen and saw her sit at the table.

Abby didn't notice that he entered the kitchen because she was deep in thoughts and jumped at the sound of his voice, almost spilling the coffee all over the table.

"Sorry.", he said while he walked over to her. "I didn't mean to startle you. I was just wondering where you were since I was alone in bed when I woke up."

He leaned down to kiss her on the cheek.

She kissed him back and got up to hug him. "Good morning. It's okay, I was just thinking and didn't want to wake you up."

"About your father?", he asked concerned.

She nodded.

"Don't worry, it will be alright."

She wanted to believe him, but she couldn't help it, she was worried.

***

Abby spent the whole morning pacing around the apartment doing this and that to keep herself busy, to distract herself from what would happen later.

When there was nothing left to do, she decided that she could get dressed already.

She could hear that John was having a shower when she stood in front of the bathroom door  and entered it.

"John?"

"Hmm."

"How much longer do you need?", she asked, standing in front of the mirror, staring at herself.

"Not much longer, why?"

"I just don't want to be late."

"Don't worry, we have still plenty of time."

He was waiting for a response, but there was none.

"Abby?"

When there was still no answer, he turned off the water, stepped out of the shower and walked towards her after wrapping a towel around himself. He followed her gaze into the mirror.

"Abby?", he asked her again. That brought her out of her thoughts.

"Huh?"

"What's wrong?"

"What do you think he will think about me when he sees me?", she finally asked, looking into his eyes now.

He sighed. She should really not worry about what he thinks.

"Abby, I know it's not easy, but try not to worry about that. He made the mistakes. He should feel guilty and worried. But to answer your question, he can only be proud of his daughter if you ask me. The little girl has become a beautiful woman with a great personality.", he said and took her hands in his. "He won't complain.", he added with a smirk.

"You're sweet.", she smiled.

"I'm only telling you the truth.", he answered, smiling, too, before they kissed.

She was really wondering how he always did that. No matter what was bothering her, he could always make her smile. Though she didn't know herself why she was worried. She did not plan to have a father daughter relationship with him again. He hurt her too much for that. She just needed his "biological help". That was all. John was right, it didn't matter what he thought about her.

"I will get dressed now and go get something to eat for your mother and your brother, okay?"

"Okay."

***

Only 5 minutes after he kissed her goodbye and left the apartment, the doorbell rang.

"Forgot your keys?", she asked while opening the door, expecting that John came back. But when the door was open she could see that it was not her husband.

"Susan!", she exclaimed.

"Hey!", Susan said and greeted her with a big hug. "Didn't hear from you for a few days and I wanted to make sure that you are okay."

Abby felt guilty. She completely forgot to call Susan. She didn't talk to her since she told her that Dr Warner wanted to see her a few days ago. But there were just so many things to worry about and she didn't feel like talking to anyone.

"God, I am sorry Susan. Come in."

Abby led her over to the living room and made her sit down next to her on the couch.

"So?", Susan asked impatiently. She was really worried about her best friend. She wanted to wait until Abby comes around, but she just couldn't stand it anymore not to know what was going on. "I don't mean to push you, but I am really worried about you.", she added, looking into Abby's eyes.

"I'm really sorry Susan. I should have called you, but there was so much going on in my head, so much happened, I couldn't talk to anyone."

Abby's words made Susan worry even more.

"That's okay.", she said honestly. "But I can't say that your words make me worry less. Do you feel like talking about it now?", she asked. Abby made her really nervous.

Abby nodded, though it was still hard to talk. But she knew Susan needed to know. She'd want to know, too if something was wrong with Susan.

"Okay, short version. I saw Dr Warner that day, he had my test results." She sighed deeply, tears filling her eyes. "It's Leukaemia, but in an early stage. Medication might be enough, but just to be prepared we need a donor. John got tested, my mother and my brother are here, they got tested, too. No match yet. Today I am going to see my father."

Susan was staring at her friend with tears in her eyes. She couldn't believe what Abby just told her. She knew about her father and what Abby thought about him. That she wanted to see him meant that it was serious.

"I can't believe Abby, I ...", was all she could say before the first tears started to fall.

"Hey, don't cry.", Abby said and put her hand on Susan's knee.

"Sorry. It's only the hormones.", Susan lied between sobs.

"It's okay, I just don't want you to worry." Abby couldn't see her friend crying because of her. She tried to find something to change the subject. "So, how's the baby?", she asked and put her hand on Susan's belly.

As much as Susan wanted to know more details, she understood that Abby didn't want to talk about it. "The baby is great, had an ultrasound yesterday. You can see the little feet and the little hands. You should come and see one day."

Abby smiled at Susan when they suddenly felt the baby kick.

That was it for Susan, the tears came back to her eyes and started to fall soon at the thought that a new life grew inside of her while the life of her best friend was in danger.

"Everything will be okay.", she said and pulled her friend into a hug.

***

When John came back home he brought the food into the kitchen before he went over to the living room. He saw Abby standing in front of the window, looking outside. He could feel that something happened while he was away.

"Hey.", he said from behind and started to massage her neck.

"Hey." She leaned her head back to kiss his cheek. "That's really good.", she smiled.

"I know.", he answered with a grin. "Did anything happen? You're so quiet."

"Susan was here. I told her everything and she cried."

"You don't want her to worry, hm?", he asked, understanding her feelings.

Abby nodded and turned around to hug him.

"But she's your friend, you have to understand her.", he said, wrapping his arms around her.

"I know, but it's still not easy to see her like that."

"I know."

While in his arms Abby could see the clock in the living room from the corner of her eye.

"John, we have to go now."

"Yeah, let me grab my keys and then we can go, okay?"

"Okay."

He knew it was way too early, but he wanted her to feel safe that they'd arrive in time.


	5. Hello, Goodbye

**Author's Notes: **Hey, thank you for reading and for your reviews! : ) I am glad you like the story so far! Here is finally chapter 5. Sorry for the delay, but ffn was not working for quite some time. : (

I hope you'll like this one. I'd love to know what you think about this chapter … Abby's father especially of course! : ) Thanks!

**Chapter 5: "Hello, Goodbye"**

The ride to the café flew by. Abby was distracted with reading the card since they both not exactly knew where that café was. But she still checked the time every 10 minutes to make sure they'd arrive in time.

***

It was 3.30 pm when they arrived.

Abby reached out for Carter's hand before they entered "Larry's". For her it was like she got a little bit of his strength when they held hands. And she knew he was near her.

He took her hand and led her inside. Abby looked around nervously to see if he was there already. But she couldn't find him anywhere.

"What if he's gone already? Or what if he won't come at all?", she asked anxiously, looking up at Carter.

"Abby, it's 3.30 pm. He's probably not here yet since you said 5 pm.", he tried to reassure her while he was searching for a table to sit at.

"You're probably right.", she answered while sitting down next to him on a bench in a corner near the window.

They ordered some water and waited for her father to arrive, both hardly taking their eyes away from the entrance.

"There he is.", Abby suddenly whispered.

Even though she did not see him for 25 years, she knew that it was him.

He seemed to remember her, too, since he went straight over to their table.

"Hello.", he greeted them.

"Hello, I'm John, Abby's husband.", Carter answered him. Abby couldn't say a thing. Her body was like paralysed.

George Wyczenski was amazed what a beautiful woman his little girl had become.

"You're beautiful, Abby.", he blurted out.

Both Carter and Abby didn't know how to react. They both didn't have any positive feelings for that man. For Abby he was the father who left her when she was little and for Carter he was the man that hurt his wife.

"How are Eric and your mother?", he added when he got no answer and sat down at the other side of the table.

Abby still couldn't say a thing. She just stared at the man in front of her. Carter squeezed her knee lightly to let her know that everything was okay and that he'd do the talking.

"Listen, we need your help." He sighed deeply before he continued to speak. "Abby has Leukaemia. She might need a donor. Neither me, nor Maggie or Eric can be that for her. You are the only close relative left. We need you to get your blood tested."

George was looking at them, not sure about what to say. He wasn't prepared for this. He thought his daughter just wanted to see him. Not that she was sick.

He looked at her and tried to reach out for her hands, but she pulled them away. She didn't need his pity. He wasn't there all her life, so she didn't need him now either.

"Abby, listen. I am sorry to hear that. But I can't help you." There was no way that he put his life on risk, his new family. "I have a new life now. My wife Megan and my kids Anna and Rick don't know about my former life. I don't want to upset them."

Carter could hardly believe his ears. He had trouble to control himself and not to lose his temper. He felt Abby flinch under his words and tears forming in her eyes. He was hurting her again. He put his arm around her protectively. He wanted to form a shield around her to keep away all the harsh words her father said. But that was not possible.

"You are kidding me, right?", he spat out. "You don't want to upset them? You left Abby, her brother and her mother 25 years ago without a word. Now she takes all her strength and contacts you, asks for your help. And instead of trying to make it better, instead of helping her, you have the guts to say that to her? Do you even have a heart?"

Carter knew he was almost shouting, but he didn't care. He just couldn't believe how that man could be so heartless. How could he be the father of such a wonderful person like Abby?

And he saw their last hope slip away. He was their only real chance. He couldn't let him off that easily. But he also didn't want to beg for his help. They'd find another way somehow.

Abby was still just sitting there, staring at the man that was supposed to be her father. She thought he hurt her when he left the little girl she once was, but this was almost hurting even more. She was glad that Carter was with her, that he put his arm around her to protect her. She grabbed his hand and held it tightly.

It was hard not to cry, but there was no way she'd let that man see her cry over him.

"So you are not going to help her?", Carter asked him again.

George looked at them both. "Listen, I am really sorry. I didn't expect that. I did only come here to tell Abby that I can't see her again. I was thinking about not coming here, but I thought it was not fair. I wanted to see her once and tell her that it's not possible for us to keep contact because of my family. I can't do what you want from me."

"Not fair?"

That made Carter even more angry. So he let her come here, full of hopes, just to tell her that he can't see her and that he has a better family now. A family that is worth more.

"You better go now, before I forget myself.", Carter said to him. He was not the one who thought violence was a way to solve things, but that man made him mad, as mad as he had never been before.

"And don't worry, we will find a way to help her.", he added sarcastically.

"Okay.", George simply said before he got up from his chair. He looked one last time at Abby, "I'm really sorry."

But she didn't even look at him. She was just staring at the table, holding Carter's hand tightly.

He was just a few steps away when Abby finally found her voice. She couldn't let him go without an answer to her question.

"Why?", she shouted after him, her voice filled with all the emotions she felt. She felt rejected and like she was experiencing the same again as she did when she was little.

Carter was just watching her, then George, making sure he won't say anything that hurts her even more.

George turned around and stared at her.

"Why did you leave us?", she repeated.

"I … I don't know Abby, it was not because of you, that's for sure.", he said before he turned and left the café. He couldn't help his daughter, but he wanted her to know that she was not the reason why he left.

Carter and Abby were both staring at the door now. Carter was glad about his last words. He hoped that it would make Abby feel at least a little better.

He finally turned his head to look at her.

"Hey, are you okay?", he asked and kissed her forehead. He knew she was not okay, but he didn't know what else to say. He wanted to make her talk. He could see that her eyes were still teary, that she was holding back tears.

She just nodded and started to get up without a word.

Carter understood that she wanted to go and left $5 on the table for their water. He hoped he could talk to her outside, without all the strangers around. They gained quite some attention when they had their conversation with her father and he could feel that Abby felt embarrassed.

"Wanna go for a little walk?", he asked before they reached the car, hoping she'd say yes.

She nodded again. She didn't say a single word since she asked her father why he left them.

He put his arm around her again and they started to walk down the street. 

It was early evening and the sun began to go down, giving the city a golden touch.

They walked a little until they reached a park with a lake. They stopped and watched the sun disappear at the horizon.

He turned his head to Abby. He could see the last bits of sunlight reflecting in her teary eyes.

He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her around to make her face him.

"Hey.", he said gently and stroked her cheek carefully. "Feel like talking about it?"

She wanted to get it off her chest, but she didn't know what to say. She was still in shock from the words she heard that man say earlier. Not only that all her hopes were gone now, but she was hurt again.

He put his finger under her chin to make her look into his eyes. He could see through hers right to her soul. And what he saw hurt him.

"I just want you to know that I am here to listen to whatever you have to say, okay? No matter if you feel like shouting, crying or whatever."

She looked up into his eyes and could feel his love.

"I know.", she said hardly above a whisper and paused. "He ... his words just hurt so much. He practically said that his new family is worth more for him than my life. He doesn't care about me at all."

We every word she was getting closer to tears and her voice trailed off until it was barely audible.

Carter let go of her shoulders and just opened his arms for her.

Abby just let herself fall into his arms, her body shaking under her sobs. She didn't even care about her disease anymore, all she could feel was her hurting heart.

Carter wrapped his arms around her and held her close to himself.

"I know it hurts. And I know it's not easy, but try not to let his words affect you too much. He's a fool. He doesn't deserve you. It's not your fault that he left, there was nothing the little girl could do. Do you hear me?", he said, trying to make her feel better.

Abby nodded and Carter kissed the top of her head. It helped to be loved by that wonderful man.

***

"Eric, do you have all your stuff packed?", Maggie called out to her son.

"Yes, Mom.", he answered, but not without the typical Wyczenski eye roll.

"I just want to make sure that you don't forget anything.", she defended herself.

"I know.", he answered and kissed her cheek. He didn't even try to object. He was annoyed when his mother tried to babysit him, but he knew she meant it well.

She pulled her son into a hug when John was coming in from the kitchen.

"Where's Abby?", Maggie asked him, looking around the living room.

"Not sure, I think she was in the bedroom when I saw her the last time. Want me to go and get her? I think he took a nap. She didn't sleep very well last night after our "meeting". But we still have some time before we have to be at the train station.", he answered, secretly hoping that Maggie would let her sleep a little longer.

"I will go and see if she's awake."

"Do that.", Carter said. He didn't have the right to tell Maggie not to disturb Abby. And maybe it was good for her if she talked to her mother. Both, Eric and Maggie let Abby meet him alone, so they didn't really know what George said. John only told Maggie when they came back, Eric was already asleep.

"Abby?", Maggie whispered when she entered the bedroom quietly. She could see her daughter lying on her side, with her back towards the door.

Abby was awake the whole time, she heard John, her mother and her brother talk next door. She just couldn't sleep. But to lie in silence for a while was good for her racing mind, too.

She turned around to face her mother. "Come in, I'm awake." She didn't feel like talking to her mother, but she felt like she avoided her enough already. And they'd take the train back today, Eric had to go back to his therapy, so she felt like she had to talk to her.

Maggie sat down next to her on the bed while Abby sat up in bed.

"John told me about yesterday. Abby, what your father said to you …"

"Don't Mom.", Abby cut her short. "He said clearly that he doesn't care about me.", she added bitterly.

"But maybe if I … "

"No, I don't want that. I don't want to get down on my knees and beg him to help me. He doesn't want to, that's fine. I have to live with that."

Maggie felt sorry for her daughter. She could see how hurt she was from the words her father said, though at the moment she only seemed bitter. And Maggie was worried. What about the transplant now? But she knew her daughter didn't have an answer either. So she didn't even start, she didn't want to upset Abby. But she couldn't help, tears started to well up in her eyes.

"Mom, please don't cry.", Abby said and hugged her mother.

"I don't.", she answered, tears rolling down her face.

"Sorry to interrupt.", Eric said, standing at the door. He had watched his mother and his sister for a few seconds. "Can I have a minute with my big sister?", he asked with a smile.

"Sure.", Maggie sniffled and pulled away from her daughter before she left the room. "See you in a few minutes."

"Hey."

"Hey."

Eric sat down where Maggie sat a minute before.

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but I have to ask how it was to meet our father. What did he say? What did he look like?"

Eric had a hundred questions. He was only 4 when he left her, he hardly remembered him. He was mad at him for leaving them. But he also couldn't deny that the need to have a father was there over the years.

Abby looked at him. She was glad Eric didn't look like their father at all. Otherwise she would be reminded of that man every time she saw her brother. She wasn't sure what to tell him. Should she tell him that he treated her like a stranger and didn't care? She didn't want to hurt him.

Abby swallowed hard before she started to speak. "You know, he still looks like on the pictures Mom showed us." She tried to force a smile, but wasn't really successful.

"What did he say to you? Will he help you?"

She shook her head. "No.", she simply said, before her emotions overwhelmed her and she couldn't speak.

"Did he say why?", Eric asked when he saw that she couldn't talk about that.

Abby knew exactly what he meant. "No, but he said it was not because of us."

They both just looked at each other before they hugged. There were no words they could say, just hold each other, both feeling the same pain of abandonment.

***

Maggie and Abby hugged each other good bye while John and Eric were bringing the bags to the train.

"I'm sorry that we didn't talk much. But I just couldn't. I hope next time we will meet will be for a happier reason."

"It's okay, Abby, I understand.

"Hey, the train will leave without us if we don't go now.", Eric said when him and John came back.

Maggie parted from her embrace to hug John next, while Eric hugged his sister.

"Make sure that Abby is alright.", she whispered into John's ear. "And call me, even if she only has a cold."

"I will."

John was glad that both, Eric and Maggie cared so much about Abby.

"Take care of my sister.", Eric told him when they hugged each other.

"Don't worry, I won't let anything happen to her."

"We love you both.", Maggie said and waved while they entered the train.

"We love you, too.", Abby answered while she reached out to take Carter's hand.

All four waved until the train was out of sight.

John turned around to look at Abby. "You okay?"

Abby nodded. "Just a little weird now that they are gone. Like my hope to get better just left the town, you know?"

"I know. But don't worry, we will find another way to help you.", he said reassuringly and kissed the hand he held in his before he brought it close to his heart. "Let's go home now, okay?"

"Okay." She really wanted to believe him.

He put his arm around her to walk her over to the car and drive home. He didn't know how, but he was really convinced that he would find a way. He wouldn't give up, that was for sure.

***

"Go upstairs already, I will go and check the mailbox."

"Okay."

With all the hectic that day, they completely forgot to see if anything arrived that day.

Carter walked over to the mailboxes and opened Abby's and his. He grabbed the pile of paper, without taking a closer look at it. He would do that when he was upstairs.

When he entered the apartment, he found Abby sitting on the sofa, legs curled up.

He sat down next to her, flipping through the letters.

"A bill, oh, another bill. And another.", he started to say monotonously while putting each letter down on the table in front of the couch.

"Oh, a newspaper. And … a letter. It's addressed to you.", he said surprised since there was no hint who sent it, handing it to Abby.

She took the letter reluctantly, looking at Carter.

"Who sent this?"

"I have no idea, open it and we'll know."

He didn't have to say that twice. She ripped it open and found several pieces of paper in the envelope. The first was hand-written, the others were typed and looked formal. She couldn't tell who wrote it, so she took a look at the end of the letter to see who wrote it.

She just stared at the signature in disbelief.

Carter looked at her curiously. "So, who wrote it? Abby?"

She just handed him the letter, staring into his eyes now. "Could you please read it out loud?", she asked him, hardly above a whisper.

John took the letter and looked at the signature immediately. He didn't believe his eyes.

Then he started to read:

"Abby, 

I just came home from the hospital. I am sorry for what I said earlier, though I can't take it all back. It is still not possible for me to have any contact with you. I don't want to lose another family. But I can't refuse my help, you are my flesh and blood after all. So, after we met, I went straight to the hospital to let them test my blood. I put the results in that letter. Show them to your doctor. If I can help you, let me know. I will help you with this. 

I'm sorry if I hurt you, what I surely did. Please accept my help if our results match. 

George."

They were both staring at the letter in disbelief, before John looked up at Abby. Both their eyes were teary and a sigh of relief escaped both their lungs.

He pulled her into a hug and held her tightly. "It's going to be okay."


	6. Maybe Baby

**Author's Notes: **Thank you for reading and for the reviews! : ) And sorry for the delay again! But I was a bit afraid to post this chapter … I hope you will still enjoy the ride! ; ) I at least enjoyed writing it! As you can probably tell since it's a bit long. ; )

Please let me know what you think! Thank you! : )

**Chapter 6: "Maybe Baby"**

"Abby? Hey, come over here.", he said while he grabbed her arm just when she was about to go past him the hundredth time.

She was pacing up and down the hallway for at least 10 minutes already. He understood that she was nervous. He was nervous himself. But he couldn't watch her like that any longer. And it started to make him even more nervous.

She didn't object and let him pull her into his arms.

"Everything is okay, believe me."

She looked up into his eyes. "I want to believe you. But everything seems the same. I am just scared. What if it's back? I wasn't feeling well again and you never know for sure."

He kissed her forehead and pulled her head back to his chest. "I know you are scared. And you really never know, I don't want to lie to you. But it's more than 3 years ago now that you got the bone marrow from your father. Statistically you are as good as healed.", he said, trying to reassure her and himself.

She looked up at him again when he mentioned her father. 

"Sorry.", he said and kissed her cheek. He knew her feelings towards him. And he didn't feel any different about him.

"That's okay.", she answered and kissed him back.

It was more than 3 years ago now, but it still hurt her when her father was mentioned. She had to thank him for helping her, for probably saving her life. But the way he did it still made her heart ache.

When his letter arrived back then, they let Abby's doctor make the tests that were necessary and he was the perfect match. The possibility that her body would reject the transplant was minimal. The hospital called him and he came to County the next week.

Abby thought she'd meet him again, maybe have a second chance to talk to him.

But nothing. He arrived just in time for surgery and left as soon as he was allowed to go home. She didn't even see him. Before she had to get ready for surgery as well and afterwards she was too weak to go and see him.

But John didn't leave her side the whole time. Everything went perfectly, but he still wanted to be with her until she was feeling better again. So he didn't talk to him either.

He was not thrilled about meeting him anyway. He was still mad at him for what he did to his family.

There was a rumour that he called 3 weeks later to ask how Abby was, but that was all.

Abby didn't reject the bone marrow and recovered quickly from surgery. All the results from the routine checks she had to go through every 6 months were negative.

She fought and won, at least for now. It was a waiting game now. But the doctors as well as Carter and Abby were positive that she got through it and was healed. And she was feeling great, until 3 days ago.

"I know it's probably nothing, but I can't help it, the thought of going through everything again just scares me."

"I know, but try to be positive."

She nodded and let her head rest on his chest again.

Suddenly the door opened. "Mr and Mrs Carter?", a woman in a white lab coat more asked than said.

"Yes.", Carter said. They both took a deep breath before they followed the woman inside.

"You probably thought you'd meet Dr Warner."

Abby and Carter nodded. He was her doctor during the whole time.

"Well, he left the hospital 2 months ago, after your last routine check. I am Dr Brosers.", the friendly woman introduced herself.

Abby and Carter shook her hand and sat down next to each other, Carter reaching out for Abby's hand. It was really like a déjà vu, everything was the same. Except for the atmosphere. It was hard to describe, but this time something positive filled the room.

"Well, I don't want to make you wait any longer. You came here because you are not feeling well again."

Abby nodded, tightening the grip around Carter's hand.

"We took your blood and made the tests that were necessary." She opened an envelope and took out a piece of paper with lab results. It seemed to take forever until the doctor finished looking through the amount of numbers. "I have good news for you, your results are great, I can say for sure that it's not Leukaemia again."

Abby and Carter let out big sighs of relief. They both had tears of relief in their eyes. He brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed it gently. Abby looked at him, smiling brightly.

"But what was it then?", he finally asked. She was not feeling well after all, that had to have a reason.

Dr Brosers looked up from her papers and smiled at them. "Well, if everything goes fine, you will be parents in a few months."

Their jaws dropped down in disbelief. They were expecting everything today, but not that.

"I'm pregnant?", Abby finally brought out. She could hardly believe her ears. She was so scared that it might be Leukaemia again, she didn't think about that possibility at all, especially since she was already wrong once.

The doctor nodded.

"Is that for sure?", she asked, her voice hardly audible.

"Yes, it's for sure. But what I can tell you are only the results of the blood test. You should of course go down to OB to get an ultrasound and all that.", the doctor answered with a smile.

"Of course.", Abby answered, but her mind was already somewhere else.

Carter didn't take his eyes off Abby the whole time. He couldn't believe what the doctor just told him. He was so scared, expecting this day to be one of the worst in their lifes. And now that. He was so happy and excited, he had no words, even if he was able to speak. He never thought that this would turn out as one of the happiest day in his life. But he didn't dare to hope too much. He didn't know what Abby was thinking. Her face didn't give away what she was thinking about it.

"Well, you better go and take a look at your little baby now, don't you think?", Dr Brosers said and got up to shake their hands and say good bye. "There is nothing I can help you with from now on. Of course I want to see you in 4 months for your check up. But apart from that I can only say congratulations and all the best for you three."

"Thank you.", they both said, almost at the same time and shook hands with the doctor before they left the room.

Outside, Abby let herself fall back against the wall, sighing deeply.

Carter was looking at her, still not sure about what she thought. But he couldn't take it any longer. He had to know what was going on in her head.

"Abby, if you … if you don't …", he stuttered, walking towards her, taking her hand in his. He swore to himself that he'd be understanding if she didn't want the baby. He had no idea how he would ever be able to go on living if she didn't, but he didn't want to lose her. She was everything for him. And he'd try to convince her.

Abby snapped out of her trance. She looked at Carter and noticed that he was nervous and kind of worried.

"Hey.", she cut him short and put her hand on his cheek. "What the doctor just told us really shocked me. I didn't expect that at all." She was looking at him with a serious face. But then it lit up. "But … you have no idea how happy I am. 3 years ago I swore to myself that if I should ever be pregnant with our child, I wouldn't do anything to endanger that wonder."

He looked at her, hardly believing that he got her right.

She was looking at him, amused. "John, I will keep the baby. Our baby. I am so happy about it. I can't wait to be a real family with you."

His face lit up and a big grin appeared on his face. "Really?"

"Yes."

"And what if ..." He knew Abby's fears and just because she was willing to take the risk didn't mean that it wasn't there. He wanted her to be really okay with it. It didn't make sense if she only did it for him. He wanted her to want it as much as he did.

"Shhh" She put her finger in his lips to make him stop. "We've gone through so much in the last 3 years. I was near to death and it was a hard time for you and me. But you were always there for me, you never left my side. There still is that risk that the baby could be bipolar, but life is too short to miss the chances. And this is a huge chance. It's finally getting better for us. If there is a person in the world I feel I can take that risk with, it can only be you. I love you and I want that child with you. I know it will be perfect because it's you and me, our love. And we will love it like we love each other for better or worse. And, you wouldn't have given up anyway.", she added with a smile.

With that he grinned and pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. "You know me too well. But really, you are making me the happiest man on earth every day you are with me. But what you give me now is so … I don't have words for it. I am so happy Abby! I love you so much. And our baby.", he added happily, parting from their embrace only to put a hand protectively on her stomach.

"I am happy, too.", she said and kissed him while she put her hand over his. She never thought she'd be happy about being pregnant, but she was.

"I can't wait to know when you will be here, if you are a boy or a girl ...", he said towards her stomach, gently rubbing the spot where he thought the baby must be now.

"John.", she laughed, running her hands through his hair. "I don't know how far along I am, but surely not far enough that the baby can hear you.", she said, but secretly she loved it how caring he already was.

But she couldn't make him stop anyway. "You never know.", he said with a grin and continued whispering loving words to their unborn child.

"You should know that babies can't hear during the first weeks. Are you sure you have gone to med school?", she asked him with a smirk. 

That brought his attention back to her. "I'm sure that I love you, both of you.", he said with a big smile and kissed her.

***

"Abby? Carter? What are you doing here?", Susan asked worriedly when he saw them come out of the elevator. She had a bad feeling that she knew where they were. Their eyes were teary, but their faces were happy. She didn't know what to think.

But no matter what it was, her eyes were filled with tears anyway.

"Susan, don't worry.", John said, putting his hand on Susan's shoulder. "Yes, we were upstairs, but everything is fine. Actually, everything is great.", he added with a grin.

Susan had a puzzled look on her face. She really didn't know what was going on.

John looked at Abby to get the approval to tell Susan the news, and he got it. They both didn't want to spread the news too wide already. They wanted to enjoy it on their own first. But to tell it their best friend was okay for both.

"Susan, we're pregnant!", he exclaimed, hugging Susan tightly.

"What? Really?", she asked, looking at Abby.

Abby just nodded before she hugged Susan, too.

"I am so happy for you! When are you due?" Susan was almost more excited than Carter and Abby. She remembered the time when she was pregnant herself, how happy she was. She could hardly believe that her best friends could finally be happy.

"We don't know yet, we only know that I am pregnant. We were just about to let an ultrasound be done. Maybe you could ..."

"I'd love to.", Susan answered and pulled her friends into a hug again.

***

Abby was lying on a gurney and Carter was sitting next to her.

Susan was putting the gel on Abby's stomach to do the ultrasound.

When they could see the baby on the monitor, all three were staring at it. Carter and Abby had tears in their eyes and held each others hand tightly. They could hardly believe that they saw their little child on that screen.

"Well, looks like you are ...", Susan tried to explain, but her friends didn't hear her. Their eyes were going forth and back between the screen and each others eyes. "Our baby.", was all they brought out, their voices cracking under their emotions.

"Hello? Earth to Mommy and Daddy.", Susan finally said, trying to bring them back to reality.

That made them finally look at her, eyes still dreamy, though.

"I said it looks like 9 weeks."

"9 weeks?", Abby asked surprised.

Susan nodded and Carter was smiling brightly. "So it will be here in less than 7 months."

He was happy that it was sooner than he expected, he couldn't wait to hold their baby in his arms. It was the same for Abby.

"Do you want to know the sex?"

Carter and Abby looked at each other and knew that the answer was clear.

"No, we want to wait and be surprised.", Carter answered for them.

"Okay.", Susan smiled at them. "I will leave you two, or better three, alone now. See you tomorrow, right? I hope you didn't forget Jason's birthday."

"How could we?", Abby smiled at her. "We'll be there. Thank you, Susan."

"You're welcome. I am really happy for you.", she said and left the room after she gave them both a picture of their child.

Carter took a paper and wiped the gel off Abby's skin and she got dressed before they hugged each other tightly and looked at their baby again. They could hardly take their eyes off the pictures. They wanted to stay like that forever, to never leave that exam room again and just be happy about being mother and father soon.

But suddenly they heard John's beeper.

"It's Weaver.", John said, disappointed. Abby didn't have to work, since she wasn't feeling good during the last few days. But John was on until 6 pm. Weaver only allowed him to go and see the doctor with Abby, but that was 2 hours ago. They completely forgot the time after they got the great news.

"You have to go?"

He nodded.

"Come home soon.", she said with a smile.

"I will.", he answered and kissed her before they both left the exam room.

***

When Abby came home, she lay down on the couch and closed her eyes. Her left hand held the ultrasound picture close to her heart while her right hand rested on her stomach.

She never thought that something could make her happier than to be with Carter. But to carry his baby made her even happier. To know that a part of him and herself was growing inside of her was a wonderful thought. She didn't know what changed her so much, maybe the love Carter showed her constantly over the years, but she was really looking forward to have that baby.

With that, she fell asleep.

***

When John came home he found Abby sleeping on the couch. He had to smile when he saw that Abby was holding the picture of their baby in her hand. He left his in his locker at work to have it there when he was not at home and wanted to look at it.

He had it in his pocket while he was working and looked at it in every free minute he had.

He could hardly wait to come home to be with Abby.

He bent down to kiss her forehead gently. That made her move slightly.

"Hey Abby.", he said and kissed her. "Hey baby.", he added and put his hand over hers on her stomach.

She smiled. "Hey, sorry, I fell asleep, I wanted to wait for you."

"Don't worry, you need your rest.",  he smiled and picked her up to carry her over to the bed.

"Wanna lie down for a bit?"

She nodded. "But don't think you can carry me around for the next 7 months."

"We'll see."

"John!"

They were both laughing when he lay her down on the bed. He took off his shoes and lay down next to her, his head on her stomach.

"Abby?"

"Hmm?"

"You know what?"

"What?"

"I envy you."

"You envy me?", she laughed. "Why?"

"Because our baby grows inside of you.", he said and kissed her stomach. "You can be with her or him every minute of the day, you will know when it's awake, when it's sleeping. You won't miss the first time it will move. You are always close to it. But you are the only person I want the baby that close with. I know you will take good care of it and I will take good care of you."

His words touched her deeply. She could feel how much he loved her and their baby. She wiped her teary eyes before she reached down to run her fingers through his hair.

"You will be as close to the baby as I am. Maybe not physically, but it will know that it's Daddy loves it as much as it's Mommy. And believe me, you won't envy me anymore when I look fat and roll through the streets.", she said, but with a smile. She didn't really mean it. She didn't care what she'd look like when she was 9 months pregnant. Actually, she could hardly wait to show that she was carrying their baby.

"You won't look fat. You will look pregnant, that's not the same. You will be the most beautiful pregnant woman on earth. And even if you were fat, I'd still love you."

They were both just lying there for a while, enjoying each others presence, before Abby spoke again. "John?"

"Hmm?"

"I can't sleep."

"Why?", he asked worriedly, but not moving his head away from it's spot near the baby.

"Because you are lying with your head on my stomach?", she asked, amused by his innocent question.

He finally looked up at her. "Oh, sorry.", he said with a smile. "I just can't get enough of it."

"I know.", she answered while he lay down next to her, as close as possible.

They fell asleep soon. They needed some rest. Birthday parties for 3 year olds could be very exhausting.

***

"I'll answer the door.", Susan said to Luka when the doorbell rang while they were both standing in the kitchen.

"Abby, John! Hi!", she greeted them when she opened the door and hugged them. "It's great you could make it."

"How could we miss Jason's third birthday?", John said and smiled brightly.

"Where is he?", Abby asked.

"He's playing with his new toys in his room.", she smiled. "Jason, look who's here. Aunt Abby and uncle John.", she called out for her son.

They could immediately hear little footsteps come closer.

"There he is.", Abby said and bent down, her arms open to hug him. "Happy birthday little man." She scooped him up and kissed his cheek. "How are we today?"

"Great.", he said and wrapped his arms around Abby's neck. "Got looooads of new toys. Wanna see?", he exclaimed excitedly.

"Later baby.", Susan interrupted him. "Let's sit down and eat first and then you can show them all your new stuff, okay?"

"Okay."

"Uncle John!", he then exclaimed.

Abby gave him over to him.

"Hey, happy birthday! You're a big boy now."

Jason smiled and gave his uncle a big hug.

"Look what we have for you.", he said and Abby got out a little package from the bag they brought with them.

He was still in John's arms, but unwrapped it there impatiently.

"Ooh, a new car!", he said excitedly. "Thank you." He wrapped his arms around John's neck again before he wanted back to Abby, to hug her, too.

"Go and play with it now.", she said and put him back down on the floor.

As fast as the footsteps came nearer, as fast they heard them disappear.

"He's full of energy.", Carter laughed and put his arm around Abby.

"I know. But he's so much fun and I don't want to miss him ever.", Susan answered. "You will see yourself soon."

John and Abby just looked at each other, smiling.

"Where's Luka?", Abby then asked. "We've only seen two thirds of the family so far."

"He's in the kitchen.", Susan answered with a wink.

"He's cooking?", Carter asked.

Susan nodded.

"Good for us. I was afraid you'd cook."

"Funny, Carter.", Susan said and hit his arm playfully. "Let's see how he's holding up.", she added with a wink before they made their way to the kitchen.

"Hey Luka!", Carter greeted him. "Hmm, pizza!", he said with a grin and stole a piece of cheese from the table.

"John!", Abby said accusingly, but stole a bit herself, too. "Hey Luka.", she brought out, with the cheese in her mouth.

"Hey you two! But leave something for the pizza. It was Jason's wish for food for his birthday and I don't want to be you if he finds out that you ate all the cheese. You know, he is perfect at that puppy dog look already. It breaks your heart.", Luka said proudly. He loved talking about his little boy.

"I know that one.", Abby grinned. "My darling husband here is the master of puppy dog looks.", she said and kissed Carter.

"Don't tell me you don't like it.", John said with a playful pout.

"I do.", she answered quickly before she kissed him again, only more passionate this time. Carter willingly responded to the kiss until they had their arms around each other and kissed, forgetting all around them.

Susan walked over to Luka and they both watched them for a second.

"Do you think they forgot that we are here, too?", Susan asked Luka with a smile.

"I'm not sure.", he answered with a wink.

In that moment Jason stormed into the kitchen.

"Mommy! When do my friends come over?", he asked excitedly.

That made Carter and Abby jump, a little embarrassed when they saw Susan and Luka staring at them. They were glad that Jason was there to distract them.

"After dinner honey.", Susan said and stroked his head.

"Yay!", was all they heard before he disappeared again.

"That will be fun.", Susan sighed. "Seven 3 year old little boys and girls."

***

"I'm stuffed.", Abby said while she let herself fall onto the couch. "I shouldn't have eaten that much pizza. It will take less than 7 months before I roll around."

Carter sat down next to her. "That's not true.", he said and kissed her cheek. "Though, I can't wait for you to show." He patted her stomach. "I can't wait to feel the baby kick, to hold my ear against your belly to be close to our baby." With that, he put his head on her stomach.

"John, stop it. They will think we're crazy.", Abby said, laughing, looking at the kitchen door to see if Susan and Luka could see them. They were in the kitchen, cleaning the mess Jason left. He was a very "creative" eater.

"So? What's wrong with talking to our baby?", he said with a smile and started to mumble something Abby couldn't understand against her shirt.

Abby smiled and put her hand on Carter's head. He was really the cutest guy on earth.

It didn't take long before they could hear Jason's footsteps again.

He stopped at the couch and looked at John, still with his head at Abby's stomach.

"Aunt Abby, what's uncle John doing there?", he asked curiously and came a little closer.

Abby laughed. "Uncle John is just being a little silly."

That made Jason grin.

"Hey, I've heard that!", John said and lifted his head up to look at Jason. "I am not silly, I am talking to the baby.", he added with a smile.

"Baby?", Jason asked excitedly.

"Yeah, the baby. It's in here." He pointed at Abby's stomach.

Jason came closer and took a look at the spot John showed him.

"Nooooo! There is not enough room for a baby."

John and Abby looked at each other and smiled before John leant over to whisper something into Abby's ear. "They obviously didn't have the birds and the bees talk with him yet."

That made them both giggle before John turned his attention back to Jason.

"You know, in the beginning, babies are very tiny. And our baby is only 9 weeks old. It's only that big.", he said and showed Jason how tiny with his fingers.

Jason was staring at him. He found it really interesting.

"But soon it will grow and aunt Abby will have a cute round belly. And when it's big enough the baby will come out."

"Wanna talk to the baby, too!", Jason exclaimed, jumping up and down in excitement.

John sat him down on his lap to let him put his ear on Abby's stomach.

"Hello baby.", he said and stroked the spot next to his ear, listening intently.

After a while he looked back up at John. "Uncle John?"

"Hmm."

"Does the baby answer you? Because I can't hear a thing."

That made Carter and Abby smile again.

"Maybe the baby is sleeping.", Abby quickly answered, grinning at Carter.

Jason bent down back to Abby's stomach. "Night baby.", he said and smiled at Carter and Abby when Susan entered the living room, followed by Luka.

Jason jumped down from John's lap and ran towards his mother.

"Mommy! Guess what! Uncle John is silly and aunt Abby has a tiny baby in her stomach. But it will grow and when it's big enough it will come out. I talked to the baby, but it didn't answer, it's sleeping.", he told Susan, proud of what he had just learned.

She smiled at him and scooped him up into her arms while Luka looked at them, confused.

"I know that uncle John is silly.", Luka started with a playful grin. "But the baby in aunt Abby's stomach is news to me.", he added, looking around, waiting for an explanation.

"Sorry.", Susan said and kissed Luka's cheek. "I know it since yesterday. But I thought they should tell you themselves."

They were both looking at Carter and Abby now.

"Yeah, we're pregnant.", Carter said proudly and put his arm around Abby. "9 weeks. We found out yesterday."

A smile appeared on Luka's face. "That's great, you'll love it! Congratulations!", he said and put his arm around Susan, kissing the top of Jason's head.

***

"… and I got a new car from my aunt Abby and my uncle John.", Jason told his friends, looking at the couple sitting on the couch. "And we had pizza and …"

"Jason is so cute.", Abby said, looking at him and his bunch of friends. Susan and Luka were sitting among the kids, listening to their son and his friends.

"Yeah, I can't wait to celebrate our baby's third birthday.", he said with a smile and kissed Abby's cheek.

"Me neither.", she answered and kissed him back.

"I can't wait to have that little family with you. The baby will make it complete. Before the others follow of course."

"Of course.", she said, teasing him. "But lets have this one first before you plan the football team, okay?"

"I love you and the baby so much."

"I love you and the baby, too."


	7. Happy Birthday

**Author's Notes: **Thank you for the very nice feedback!!! : ) Really made my day … several actually! ; ) I am glad you like the fuzzy parts as well as the angsty parts! : )

This is the last "real" chapter. The 8th is really short. So I hope you'll enjoy it and please let me know what you think about it! : ) Thank you!!! : )

**Chapter 7: "Happy Birthday"**

"She's a miracle, Abby. Our miracle. I can't believe that we practically made her.", he said with a smile and wiped his teary eyes. "I mean, I see your input, she's beautiful. But … it's still so unbelievable. She's perfect. I love my girls so much."

"John?"

"Hmm?"

"John!"

"What?"

"John, it's time to get up."

Slowly he felt himself awake from his dream. He opened his eyes slowly, still smiling.

"Good morning beautiful."

"Good morning." She smiled at him before she kissed him. "Took you long enough."

He grinned. "I didn't want to wake up, I had a beautiful dream. We had our baby. It was a girl and she was so beautiful. She was as pretty as you, just perfect."

She looked at him and smiled. "I could hear that."

He looked at her confused. "Don't tell me you heard me talking while I was dreaming."

She grinned. "Yup, you were very sweet. So you want a girl?"

"Maybe.", he answered with a bright smile. "But I will love it, no matter if boy or girl. Though a little Abby would be great. She'd have your eyes and your mouth with your beautiful smile ..."

"Stop it before I blush!", she said and threw a pillow against his head.

"I'm only telling the truth."

"Yeah, whatever.", she said with a smile before he leaned over to kiss her, his hand resting on her round belly.

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"We should name that spot after you."

"What?", he asked confused, looking into Abby's eyes.

"That spot.", she answered and pointed at his hand on her belly. "I feel like your hand was there every minute over the last 7 months.", she said with a smile. She didn't mind that it was like that. It was the opposite. She loved it that he was looking forward to the baby and wanted to be close to it. She was just amused that he didn't get tired of the same spot over the weeks and that his hand was always in exactly the same position.

John grinned. "I know, guilty of that.", he said and kissed her again. "But it's so great to be close to the baby."

"I know."

"I will miss that when the baby will be born. But I am so looking forward to it."

"Me, too.", she said, moved closer to him and let her head rest on his chest.

"Hey, you okay? You are so quiet.", he asked her after a few minutes of silence.

She looked up at him. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"You're not. Come on, tell me."

"It's stupid, really."

"It can't be stupid if it bothers you.", he said and began stroking her back reassuringly.

She sighed. "I am just scared, you know? I was with so many women while they gave birth, but this time it's me. And I don't know what it will be like." She still looked into his eyes. "Don't get me wrong. I am happy and looking forward to our baby so much. But … I can't explain it. I told you it's stupid." She buried her face into his chest again.

"Hey." He put a finger under her chin to make her look at him. "I understand what you mean. It's not stupid. It's a new experience for you and me. And even I am excited but also scared. So it has to be for you, too. But you know I'll be with you. I won't leave your side and hold your hand, okay? I won't let anything happen to you or the baby. I will take care of you."

She smiled at him. She was glad that she would not be alone, it made her feel much better. She already knew he'd be with her, but she needed to hear it again when she was scared like now.

"I know you will. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. You are carrying our baby. To be with you while it will be born is the least I can do. I didn't want to miss it.", he said and kissed her cheek gently.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

***

"Did she have a name?", Abby asked, sitting at the kitchen table, eating a Bagle.

"Who?", he asked confused, standing at the tea kettle to make some tea.

"The baby. Our daughter. In your dream I mean."

"Oh! No, I don't think so. Why?"

She laughed and pointed at the bulge under her nightshirt. "Well, as you know, there won't be much more time to think about it I fear. We have 2 more weeks maybe, and we still didn't really think about a name. Neither for a boy, nor a girl. So I thought maybe you were inspired in your dream."

He laughed a little and walked over to her.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but even in my dreams I am no help in finding a name for the baby."

She rolled her eyes playfully. "What did I marry you for?"

"Hey, I dreamed at least that it was a girl."

He took the half eaten Bagle out of her hand and put it down to take her hands and maker her stand up in front of him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, as close as Abby's round belly allowed them. She did the same and let her head rest on his chest.

"Do you think I was right? With my dream I mean, that it will be a girl."

She pulled away a little to look into his eyes. "I don't know, I know as much as you do.", she said and reached up to kiss him gently.

"Yeah, but you are the mother. Aren't you supposed to have some kind of instinct?"

She was silent, looking into his eyes with a mischievous grin.

"Come on, you know something. Would make it easier to find a name if you knew."

"Well, I don't know for sure, but if you asked me …", she paused to tease him, "… it's a girl. But I am really not sure, it's just a feeling."

He grinned from ear to ear. He would really love the baby, not matter what sex it had, but the thought of having a little girl made him happy.

"What?", she asked.

"Nothing, I just thought that it would really be great to have a girl."

She smiled back at him. She liked the thought of having a girl, too.

"So, what's the name then?", she asked with a grin.

He looked at her, confused.

"You said if you knew the sex it would make it easier to find a name. So I say it's a girl, what's the name you suggest?"

He smiled at her and scratched the back of his head. "Errr … let's just decide when it's there and we see it, okay?"

She smiled at him. He was as clueless as she was. "Taking the easy way out mister, huh?"

He nodded and smiled.

She grinned back at him and kissed him. "Okay, but to make up for that you take me shopping today."

"Hey, what do I have to make up for?", he asked and kissed her back.

"After all, you don't know a name for the baby."

"Neither do you."

"But I carry around your child for 9 months already."

"It's yours, too."

She stepped back from their embrace, her arms crossed in front of her chest and gave him a playful glare.

That made him smile. He loved their playful banter. "Okay, you win. What do you need?"

She smiled back and went back into his arms. "Baby stuff."

"Again? Don't we have enough for 10 babies already? I mean, it is only 1 in there, right?", he asked and patted her belly.

"We'll see.", she answered with a wink. "And no, we don't have enough. See, the baby thinks the same.", she added when she felt the baby kick. He felt it, too, since he still had his hand on the same spot and grinned from ear to ear. Even after months they both didn't get tired of feeling the baby move.

"Okay, we'll go.", he said, still smiling. Honestly, he loved to go shopping for the baby.

"It's really just a few last things."

***

"I am exhausted.", he sighed, walking up the last steps to their apartment, carrying 4 huge bags upstairs. Abby was already at the door, searching for the keys in her pockets.

"Come on old man, I am waiting.", she said, holding the door for him after she opened it.

"Old man?", he laughed. "How much do you think these bags weight? You said you needed just a few last things, but I think we bought all they had in the baby store."

"I don't think so. And how much do you think our baby weights?"

He didn't have anything to say to that. She was playing the baby card and there was nothing he could say. She was right, she had the most work during the pregnancy. So he could at least carry the bags.

He let the bags fall to the floor and himself onto the couch when he reached the living room.

Abby sat down next to him, leaned forward and started to search through the bags.

When she found what she was searching for she leant back and held up a tiny shirt.

"All these things are so small.", he said amazed. He moved over, closer to Abby, kissed her cheek and let his hand rest on its spot on her belly.

"I know.", she said and kissed him back.

"I can't wait to hold it in my arms."

"Me neither."

With that she leaned forward again to put the shirt back into the bag before she got up.

"I will bring the stuff into the baby's room.", she said and bent down to pick up one of the bags.

"Abby!", he exclaimed.

"What?", she asked surprised, letting the bag fall back onto the floor.

"You are pregnant. You shouldn't carry around heavy things."

"John, don't be silly. This is not heavy.", she said and picked up the bag again. "It's just a few baby clo …", was all she brought out before she let the bag fall down again. "Ouch!", she said and put her hand on her stomach.

"Abby, what's wrong?", he asked excited, jumping up from the couch, putting his arm around her.

"Well, I think the baby wants to see it's Daddy.", she smiled at him with teary eyes.

"Really?", he asked, his eyes getting teary, too.

"I think so.", she laughed.

"Okay, sit down and stay right here, I will go and get your bag."

"Okay. But do you even know where …", she wanted to say, but he was already gone.

10 seconds later he was back. "Abby? Where is your bag?"

"In the bedroom.", she answered, smiling.

"Okay.", was all he said before he was gone again.

She thought she'd be as excited as Carter when it was finally time for the baby. So she had already packed the stuff she needed to avoid the stress. But, to her own surprise, she was completely calm. She was looking forward to the baby, too. But suddenly it felt like a natural thing. There was no need to be scared.

She watched him pace through the apartment, grabbing this and that, before she suddenly heard the door close. She became a little nervous. She didn't really want to believe that he left without her, that only happened in movies.

"Okay, we can go.", he said when he came back 2 minutes later. She was just staring at him.

"What?"

"I thought you left without me.", she said, close to tears. The hormones still had control over her body and she cried easily.

"Hey.", she said and sat down next to her. "How could I leave without you? I was just bringing everything to the car to be there for you.", he said and helped her up. He gave her one last big hug before they left the apartment, together this time.

***

"Okay Abby, when you feel the next contraction I want you to push as much as you can. The baby is almost there.", the nurse said, smiling at Carter and Abby.

"If someone had told me before how much that hurts, I'd never have agreed to this.", she brought out between deep breaths. "I can't do that any minute longer."

Carter was sitting next to Abby, holding her hand. He was hoping that what they say is true. That you forget all the pain when you hold the baby in your arms. Because he was sure he did not only want one child with Abby. 

But he could see that she was in a lot of pain for hours already. In the beginning it was bearable. When he walked up and down the hallway with her. But now it was getting worse with every minute.

She squeezed his hand with every contraction. And he was sure, if her screaming wasn't that loud, he could hear the bones in his fingers break. But he didn't care. It was the least he could do.

"You are doing great baby.", he said and kissed her forehead. "I am so proud of you. And it's almost there. You will make it", he added with a smile. "I love you."

She turned her head and was just about to say something when the next contraction hit her.

She screamed loudly and squeezed his hand again.

"Push, Abby. I can see the head already.", the nurse said, trying to encourage her.

She took all her remaining strength and pushed as much as she could while Carter was holding her hand, whispering words of encouragement.

Suddenly the pain subsided and they could hear the baby scream.

"Abby, you were fantastic.", the nurse said. "You have a beautiful little girl. Does Daddy want to cut the cord?", she asked.

Carter just nodded and got up to do so. It was a weird feeling to separate the baby from Abby.

Afterwards he sat down next to Abby again and the nurse laid the baby on Abby's chest.

Carter and Abby both didn't have words. They had tears in their eyes and were staring at the baby and into each others eyes in turns, admiring the beautiful child that was the result of their love. She had dark hair and blue eyes. Carter could see Abby's nose and her mouth in her face. It made him happy that the baby had so much from it's mother.

Carter was the first to find words. "Oh my God Abby, she is so pretty. She looks so much like you. She will be a beautiful girl and drive the boys crazy.", he chuckled, playing with the little girl's feet. "I love you so much." He kissed Abby's forehead. "And you, too." He kissed the top of the baby's head.

Abby smiled at him. "You remember your suggestion? Seeing the baby and deciding for a name?"

He nodded.

"Well, I want to call her Jona. It's like John and Abby.", she smiled at him.

"I like that.", he said and looked at the baby. "Hi Jona. Do you like that name?"

Abby laughed. "I am sure the baby has your intelligence, but I doubt she can already answer you."

"Who knows.", he said with a wink. "She looks at least pretty content with her name."

"Yeah. And I want her to have Millicent as the middle name."

That brought fresh tears to his already watery eyes. "Abby, that would be really nice, but we really don't have to …"

"No John, I really want it. I know how much your grandmother meant to you. And I'd like it if she had her name and reminded you of her."

"Thank you Abby. It means a lot to me.", he said and kissed her lips gently. "Jona Millicent Carter. I think that sounds pretty good."

"It does."

"And as a nick we could call her Gamma.", he laughed.

"Don't you dare!", Abby said and hit his arm playfully.

"I was kidding, don't worry."

"You better were.", she said before they kissed again.

The nurse came to take the baby away again.

"Do you want to bath and dress her?", she asked Carter.

"I'd love to. I'll be right back.", he said to Abby and kissed her again before he followed the nurse to the small bathtub.

"She is so tiny.", he said, holding his daughter in the water. After the nurse knew how big she was and how much she weighed and after the doctor checked that everything was alright with her, he could finally give her a bath. 

"I am afraid I could hurt her."

"Don't worry, they only look so fragile. You can't break anything if you are a little careful. You are doing it great, believe me."

He smiled and brought his attention back to his baby. "She is almost sleeping.", he smiled.

"Yes, she feels like back in Mommy's stomach. It's warm and wet. Babies like baths. But I think it's time to get her out and dress her."

He nodded and took her out of the water carefully to lay her on the towel that was placed  next to the tub.

He dried her little body and dressed her, still hardly daring to touch her.

"Okay, let's go to Mommy now.", he said and carried her over after she had her clothes on.

He put her in Abby's arms and sat down next to her on the edge of the bed.

"52 centimetres and 3 kilograms.", he informed Abby proudly. "I think we did a pretty good job. She is perfect."

"We did.", she answered and smiled, both admiring their baby.

***

"I am so glad that I could go home immediately."

"Me, too.", he said and smiled, sitting on the couch next to Abby, holding the baby in his arms between them. "Look how peaceful she sleeps."

"Yeah, she must be exhausted after everything."

He looked up from the baby into Abby's eyes. "You must be, too. Do you want to sleep a little? I will take care of Jona.", he said with a grin.

"I bet you do.", she smiled back at him. "But it's okay, I am fine."

"Are you sure?", he asked worriedly.

"Yeah, to be with you two is all I need at the moment. I can hardly take my eyes off her."

"I don't think I can give her out of my hands again."

"Wait until she screams.", she joked.

"Even if she screams or if she needs her diapers changed, I will do it happily."

"I know.", she said before they kissed.

"The only thing I can't do is breastfeed her. But it's much better to watch you doing it anyway. You look so beautiful together."

"I bet.", she said, smiling at him.

"But I feel guilty."

"Why?"

"Well, you had all the work. You were pregnant and you had all the pain while giving birth. And what do I?"

She leaned over and kissed him passionately. "You make me happy."


	8. After All

**Author's Notes: **Thank you for all the nice and encouraging reviews! They really mean a lot to me! Especially since English is not my first language!

This is the last – and very short – chapter. I hope you enjoyed the whole fic! : ) It was fun to write it! Please don't hate me for this chapter. I just had to write it the way I wrote it. ; )

Please let me know what you think anyway. ; ) Thank you! : )

**Chapter 8: "After All"**

Abby was standing at the kitchen window, watching her family.

John and the kids were playing in the garden behind the house. The girls Jona and Noa were on the swings while John was sitting with their son Liam on the bench, watching them.

Her hand was resting on her slightly protruding belly. As usual, they didn't know if it was a boy or a girl. But Abby had a feeling like it was another boy. She liked it that they had 2 girls and 2 boys. She could hardly wait, 3 months could be so long.

She made John promise that this was the last child, though. It was not easy to convince him. But in the end he saw that 4 children are really enough.

The beeping of the timer brought her out of her thoughts. The spaghettis were ready.

She opened the window. "Dinner's ready!", she called out.

The girls immediately ran into the house, followed closely by John who was carrying their 2 year old son.

"Wash your hands, girls.", he said to them. They gave their father their famous eye roll before they disappeared into the bathroom. "And help your sister to reach the sink."

"Yes, Dad.", she answered, halfway gone already.

He knew he didn't have to tell her that. Noa was only 4 and a bit too small to reach it. But her 5 year old sister was always helping her.

"They have that eye roll from you.", he said and smiled at Abby before he kissed her cheek and patted her belly.

"I never roll my eyes.", she answered, rolling her eyes.

"Never, right.", he said with a grin, putting Liam in his seat at the table.

The girls sat down, too after they came back from the bathroom.

"What's with Susan and Luka? Didn't they want to come over today?"

"Yeah, they should arrive any minute."

She was just putting the spaghetti on the table when the doorbell rang.

"See, there they are.", Abby said on her way to the door, followed by John and Jona.

"Hi!", they almost said in unison, hugging each other.

"Hi Jona,." Jason said shyly.

"Hi Jason," Jona answered, hiding behind her mother's legs.

He walked towards her and placed a quick peck on her cheek before they ran back to the table to sit down and eat.

"Awww, they are too cute.", Susan said, smiling brightly.

"Yeah.", Abby said, watching them disappear. "Where's the baby?"

"Oh, she's a bit sick. I left her with my sister."

"Really? I hope she's fine.", Abby asked worriedly.

"Yeah, really. It's just a light cold.", Luka answered. "We just didn't want her to spread it around here."

"I'm glad she's okay. I really wanted to see her, though."

"Abby, she really didn't change much since you saw her 2 days ago.", Susan laughed.

"Probably not.", Abby winked, now laughing, too.

"Let's go eat now.", John finally said. "Before it gets cold."

***

"Oh God, I get rounder and rounder. The pregnancies are really not good for my body.", Abby sighed, sitting on the couch, looking down at her belly. Susan and Luka had left after dinner to go home and the children were in bed already. 

"Is it just me or am I rounder now than I was with the other kids when I was 6 months pregnant? I really should eat less."

"Abby, don't be silly. You never gained much weight when you were pregnant."

She turned her head and smiled at him. "You're cute when you lie.", she said and kissed him.

"It's not a lie! You are beautiful, no matter if pregnant or not."

"Thank you.", she said, moving even closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder while he put his arm around her.

"You don't have to thank me, I only tell you the facts."

"No, I really have to thank you.", she said again, looking deep into his eyes. "If someone told me 10 years ago that I'd marry the man of my dreams, I'd have called that someone crazy. And if that someone told me that I'd survive cancer and have soon to be 4 wonderful kids, I wouldn't have believed him. But I married the man of my dreams. And I survived and we have 4 kids very soon. And I am happier than I ever thought I could be. My whole life was a misery before I met you. And now it's just perfect. I want to thank you for that."

She had tears in her eyes now and Carter pulled her into a hug.

"Hey, the same goes for me. I can't tell you how happy you have made me. You married me and gave me beautiful, perfect children."

She smiled at him. "We are just the perfect match."

"We definitely are.", he answered, kissing her deeply.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."


End file.
